PLEASE run this by a spell-checker. The only reason why I bothered saying this is because I read your author's note, and it seemed like you're one of those rare, brave people who accept constructive crit.

Also here's a general rule of thumb when you use quotes:

WRONG:

"Zelda is really mean." Peach said, glaring at the elf.

RIGHT:

"Zelda is really mean," Peach said, glaring at the elf.

You have to put a comma instead of a period at the end of it. Unless you're using an exclamation point, or a question mark, or you completely omit the whole 'Peach said/cried/stated' verb and go on to the action ("Zelda is really mean." Peach glared at the elf.), you must put a comma there.

I think that's the only tip I can think of at the moment.

Good luck!