Nice catching tah StoryTagger. I was wondering who would catch it. Thanks Hakucho-E. I'm thinking about rewriting chapter one and adding more content. I'm keeping the prologue the same, I feel chapter one goes to fast, I'm going to try and slow it down, add a bit more detail.

You made a very very good start that catches the reader. I also like the words you use. It is mature and captivating yet flows very smoothly. I think you have a great thing going on here. Please do continue.

Hakucho

Very interesting idea, the main character dies, but he doesn't. Actually it never actually says 'he' for the main character now does it?

I've decided to write this in small developing chapters. I feel that a long one would make people loose interest in it, it's also hard to understand a long chapter as well as you would a small one, plus it gives people more room to think about actions within the story.

hmm seems like an interesting story. go on to chapter 1 and i'll make a better view of the story.