it was ok. but to be frank, the sequence/flow seem out of place. and it was a lot rushed. and it's a bit awkward to read because it's all in past tense. but all in all it was alright. another advice though: try making a fic in past tense. it won't sound awkward. sorry for being a bit hard. but i do hope you'll take it as helping you to improve your writing because that's really my intention.

Hehe...*Applause* YAY!!
I am strangly Hyper today...Maybe because Tink is hanging around too...
.YAY!!.
Hmm...Probably...And I can do the frantic wave just fine... *Crosses arms* You just haven't seen it *Smirks* Although I do look kinda silly doing said wave...it is rather fun to do... As for the mushy nicknames... *thinks* I just do that when people are all icky feeling or sad or...something... if it happens it happens... although sometimes I do it just to annoy people *Grins* That wasn't the case with you though My Dear... The story? I am still lookig for that actually if I find it I will try to show you...And more ideas you say?! I MUST hear some of these 'ideas' you speak of! *hyper bouncing* Ahem...Ok now onto the comments on the One-Shot thingy! *frowns* Which is actually what this review was suppose to be for...hmm...Oh!

"Well, I know that there are things to make something with, but I don't like the idea of making you cook..." she replies.
"Aww," Vivi replies, pouting a little, "you haven't even tasted my food and you already seem not to like it..."

Had to put that in ^ It made me laugh...That is kinda what Myself and my friend, Kiara, said... Although I said nearly exactly what Vivi said *Laughs* *Sighs* I miss Kiara... she's gone away for awhile... Ok...Nice, warm bubbly bath? Hmm...sounds nice...and warm...and bubbly! *Grins* Well this review seems to be getting longer and longer by the minute...or is it second...I am not sure...*frowns* *Grins* Oh well...I have to go now...drink more juice they got some nummy vit-mums (made up word #203) they are suppose to make you better...or at least help too...I am not sure...But it tastes pretty good...And I got Cookies too * hands Sam cookies and juice* *Pats sam on head and kisses forehead* you get better soon ok Dear? *Hands cookies to little Dani* Special ones for you to Little Dani...*Pats Little Dani on head* Well we are off for now Take Care!

Becky Silver

totally fucking kool, never believed in love at first sight but whatever, makes the story interesting