This is really interesting. I really really liked it, and your writing style is really great! The only thing I can think of to help you, who let me say is way better then I Would be to not do what I just did above as much. That is to say, having too many of this in the middle of every few paragraphs It's part of organizing your story structure. But other then that, I thought it was great! I loved it! Later dude.

I love the rawness of this stroy- its excellently written and styled- I definitely liked!

You know, I wondered what happened to Alfons' Edward in Germany.

I really like your word usage and the voice you gave Alfons. The witchy aspects of Ed were a nice touch, too. I'd love to see this roll into a long multi chaptered fic.