Reviews for Moving On - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Moving On

bread and coal 2008-02-29 ch 1,	abuseexcellent fic. i love the portrayal of the matthews family here. very nicely written and put-together.
byebyebirdie58 2008-02-07 ch 1,	abuseDid I not review this!? I suck!! Well, I really, really liked it. The end was wonderful. Really nice metaphor. And I've never seen Two-Bit's mom written about, so I like this a lot. I like the little detail that she has a garden. I'm not sure why, but I liked that a lot.
zevie 2008-02-07 ch 1,	abuseNice piece – I’m glad you picked Two-Bit’s mom to do it on. The adults kind of get the shaft in the Hinton world lol. I liked how it seems like she’s left her own life aside while she’s raising her kids, and that now that they are growing up, she has to start re-examining her life (like her relationships). It’s a very interesting theme to explore, and I think you are doing it nicely so far. A couple suggestions: The introductions of Chucky and Jane Wilson are both a little abrupt – maybe introduce them with some description and Carol noticing them before they speak? ““Another beer, sir. I drove back a week ago. No action in Clayton.” “How are your mother and father?” Carol asked, serving a couple of beers.” I was a little confused about this … I thought they were outside at this point. They could easily have been talking and walking, but I think you need to give us some hint to that in between the dialogue. Plus, wouldn’t a 19-year-old boy not be allowed to drink there? “She could tell he wasn’t all-good, drinking and using a fake ID.” Aha! That explains why he was drinking before. Maybe you can bring this up sooner, so we aren’t confused at the beginning. “ I wonder if Keith could get Steve to check this out for me, she thought, pulling out of the parking lot.” Be careful about stuff like this. If you’re centering on Two-Bit’s mom, it’s a whole different world from the one Two-Bit and the gang share. Meeting a friend of Two-Bit’s and inviting him for dinner is a very motherly thing to do, but I don’t know if I buy that her mind would jump right to Steve about fixing her car. Maybe just leave it at her wondering if Two-Bit could get it fixed for her? ““You going to lock up, rose?” Carol asked.” “Rose” should be capitalized. I think this could be a really neat little piece. I’m very impressed that you picked up the greaser-mother topic. Good luck!
mars on fire 2008-02-06 ch 1,	abuseI don't think I've ever seen a fic that focused on Two-Bit's mom - good job with an interesting subject. I like that she has this sort of sad life, but her kids seem to make up for the loss she's been through. I really like how you've shown how they are growing up and away from her a bit. "“Men never get anything fixed when it’s broken, but they sure do break it when it’s fixed.”" I loved that line. So fricking true. The only thing to watch for is an excess of dialogue - try and work on using description between some of the dialogue to break it up a bit. Good job with this though - I like that it's a day-in-the-life kind of snapshot of how Carol lives and how she is with the family. I think with an influence like his mom, Two-Bit and his sister would turn out alright.

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