Too graphic! not my cup of tea.

Your writing is delicious, you know. Lots of lovely descriptions and turns-of-phrases. Best of all is the character interaction; as much as this is about Susan, it's also about everyone around her, and the spaces and tensions between them all. The dialogue between Peter and Susan in particular is a tangible, bristling thing. Very nicely done.

Wow. This is really, really well done. I like how it has a detached, surreal feeling to it, with the abrupt stops in the narration and use of the present tense. It really creates that emotion that you know Susan is feeling after narnia. The whole idea of her not being a freind to Narnia any more is really well developed in this piece. Nice Job!

Even though it's short its really powerful. Some of the sentences are too long, it's hard to read them. But other than that, it's good. I liked it=)

Your use of detail and imagery is spectacular. Although I disagree that Susan would have fallen away this much (this is the part of Last Battle I've never bought, and I obstinately think that even if Susan had given up on Narnia, she wouldn't have turned away from her beloved siblings), I think you've portrayed it tremendously well. My own view of her leads me to urge you to write another chapter in which she figures things out, but even if you don't, this is an impressive piece.

this is such a beautiful story, and i'm totally enamoured by your writing style. great work!