This is a beautiful poem.

until He returns,

Elizabeth Anne

This poem would be great...if it weren't for the awkward rhyme/rythme scheme. You've got a great story going and the message is a good one, but the way you've constructed the poem takes away from the power of it. There are serveral awkward spots, and the rhyme/rythme scheme is badly stretched in a lot of places. (Also, I'm wondering...is this man from Narnia? Has he been to Narnia or ever heard of it? Does he have a friend who's been there? If the answer to all these questions is "no"...then how in the world does he know about Aslan? It would be nice to have some explaination for that...) I wish there were more positive things to say about your poem, but...yeah. (Sorry! Would an Extra Big Dearheart Huggle make up for it?
However, I still think you have a good thing going on! Don't give up! You just need to keep some things in mind next time you write poetry...

1) Poetry doesn't mean picking a topic...say, your favorite color...and thinking "Okay, what rhymes with pink...plink, sink, slink, stink, ink..." NO. Poetry can be whatever you want it to be. In short...

Poetry

Is simply

Saying exactly what
You want to say
In just enough
Space.

2) Poetry does NOT HAVE TO RHYME. (It took me FOREVER to understand that.) Yes, the rhyming sounds good and makes it fun to read aloud, but that's not what makes a poem good. (And, in my experience, if you try too hard to make it rhyme, it sounds HORRIBLE.) Instead of worrying about rhyme and rhythm, simply take up your pen and let your thoughts and feelings flow over the page. Write with your heart first, THEN go back over it and use your head to tweak it into perfection. It's emotion that makes poetry so powerful...not rhyme.

3) If you decide to write a rhyming poem, be sure to not get too carried away. YOU write the poem, not the other way around. Be consistent with the rhythm; don't stretch it out or force it to do something it can't. Read it aloud to yourself, to test it and see if there's any awkward spots that need more work. If it simply won't behave itself, put it away, sleep on it and come back to it later. If it STILL refuses to cooperate, then it's time to move on and do something else.

4) Make like a Terabithian and "keep your mind wide open". (Just don't let your brains fall out. Be alert and observant of everything around you. Drink in as many sights, sounds and experiences as you can. Always ask yourself questions about what you see. The more things you learn and experience, the more inspiration you'll have saved up and the more power you'll be able to put into your words.
Okay, sorry if I drowned you in poetry 101 there, lol. These are all tips that I learned, and I'll tell you something...they gave me SO much freedom! I always used to think that it couldn't be a "proper" poem unless it rhymed. Boy was I wrong... I still rather prefer rhyming poems to free-verse...but there are occasional exceptions to that.
So...there's my review! Sorry if any of it made you feel bad. But hey! Keep writing for His glory and don't let anything I say get in the way of it!
May Aslan keep you in His mighty paws.

Dearheart