AHMAGODNOTHATCANTBETHEEND. T_T

UPDATE


You do so beautifully with this (I especially liked the beginning of her dream..*cough*)..don't stop now! T_T You have a beautiful plot written out, and gods this is amazing just please continue ;-;

... oh my damn. This is like the greatest fic Ive ever read!
I never gotten through even 3 chapters of any story before, but this really kept my interest! Its the best! I love the first chapter and the part where she slaps him, and the part where she tells him about her dream. The story's believable and you write the characters really well too, Lars'a so incredibly Larsa! and im really able to relate to Penelo an her situation. Im actually going to read this over again (witch is sompthing ive never EVER done before with any fanfiction) its my favorite story, thanks for giving me something good to read:)
please, please, please, please, please, please keep writing! I love it!

wah! cliffhanger! Okay, I'm getting some stuff, but I still feel like Penelo. I hope you tell us more stuff soon. (I'm all for the omniscient reader empowerment!) I think the beauty of this fic is that larsa's harshness/grace/brusqueness/vulnerability is all meshed together and it works. So while I hate him, i still love him. It's like, he's more lovable now that he isn't so impecably sweet and innocent.

My heart ached a bit for Larsa when he and Penelo talked after the match. And penelo's just been consistently confused and cranky (except for the last part) so for her own sake, and ours, UPDATE SOON!

Oh, great plot so far! Can't wait to read what happens next. (:

I'm such a dork - it's taken me this long to write a review? Heaven knows we fanfic writers thrive on it.

Anyhow, I just gotta say that I adore this story. Your characterization is dead-on, but also takes their increased ages into consideration. Larsa still has that endearing air of formality and unfailing manners that he possess in the first game, but being older has also given him a sensual air that makes readers understand all too easily why Penelo's attracted to him. Few authors can pull that sort of creative tweak off, and do so well, but thankfully you've mastered this fine art.

The writing is also flawless. The words flow like silk, making reading not only effortless but a pure pleasure for the one lucky enough to have found this diamond hiding in the sty pen. You describe the scene to me verses telling it, painting a vivid picture in my head of all that's happening, down to Penelo's blushes or Larsa's minute displays of irritation. It's so rare to find writers who abide by this vital rule - I'd rather have some describe the room than tell me its measurements, you know?

I'm putting this on Author Alert - that way I actually get around to reading updates the minute they're posted verses finding out via LJ sometimes days later.

(Kira_Lawliet, by the way, in case you were wondering who this was!)

Wow, it's amazing how much the class difference can create problems. Both of them think they've been overwhelmingly patient with the other, neither realizing how much that differing perspective changes things.

So glad to see this story being updated!

I'm quite impressed so far, though there are a couple of aspects of this chapter sort of took me aback. Any criticism I impart is genuinely meant to be constructive:

Number one, it comes across as excessively melodramatic. Chalk this up more to my personal preference than to any fault on your part, though. Are Penelo and Vaan in love with one another? If so, it feels as if you're adding a roadblock which serves no purpose to your story other than to add a superfluous layer of drama to it. Not only that, but if they are, then having Larsa basically steal Penelo away doesn't help your story's leading man come across as very sympathetic. Not only that, but it makes him seem spoiled, selfish and petulant - character traits he most certainly does not show in canon. Has he somehow regressed in emotional maturity since the end of the game? For that matter, is he to be a hero or villain in this story?

Number two is more a question of protocol. Given the direction your story is taking, Penelo is most likely the single most important woman in Archadia at the time of this chapter's writing per the emperor's (spoken or unspoken) decree. I find it exceedingly difficult -- almost impossible, really -- to believe that he would entrust her safety to anyone other than himself, Gabranth or Zargabaath. A VIP of that caliber demands nothing less than a Judge Magister.

An imperial swordsman or two? I think not. Penelo could solo kill imperial swordsmen and hoplites all afternoon long. Their protective value would be minuscule if a threat capable of taking her down were to show up, though I realize (courtesy of Gabranth) that it was a plot device meant to allow Penelo to sneak out and meet with Vaan one-on-one without any chance of eavesdropping.

5:49 in the morning when I read this.
To breakfast, indeed.
I truely enjoy the hostility between Penelo and Larsa. It's so unique, unique is uncommom on

Small wonder his breath hitched a couple of times, he's so less aggressive then some fics.

I'm so happy that you are at this again! I've missed this story. Cant wait for the next update!

I really enjoyed the concepts explored in this chapter, and I am so glad that you updated!

I like how you make Penelo's emotions relatable, believable- some authors tend to create 'perfect' characters that are difficult to empathize with.

So, Penelo's visiting Ashe? Hmm... I'm thinking maybe 'distance makes the heart grow fonder'? Aw... Time for Penelo to reflect- in fact, is 'realization' on the way?

Still wondering about the whole 'assassin' thing... though I'm sure all will be revealed in due time.

Yes! I want to see Penelo have a sparring contest with Larsa! Great potential with this idea!

I hope Vaan somehow meets up with Penelo and Larsa. The tension, I'm sure, will be excellent, considering your talent for writing. For Larsa and Vaan to have a huge confrontation- now that would be really funny.

Anyway, please, I hope I've conveyed that I just can't wait- update SOON!

Let me try to find words to describe how I feel right now. Okay you know when you're like...really really wanting some chocolate but you can't go buy any at the moment? And then finally you're like...given some as a gift by a friend?

That's how this chapter makes me feel. Like I'm eating a very lovely piece of chocolate with caramel in it and it fills my mouth and melts all in it with glee.

I'm overly dramatic aren't I?! I bet when you read this you'll be like O_O.

Anyway!

I don't know what else to say. I really really like this and I think I'm learning how to be a better writer from you. Like I've told you before: you're a goddess among writers.

Anywayz. I really liked this chapter. There seems to be progress and I can feel the plot moving forward. I'm very intrigued to see what happens next. Take your time with the next chapter, there is no rush ^_^.

--goodwitch2008

Finally you update :D
An awseom chapter yet again ^^ cant wait for the next one :) xx

This was well worth the wait. I can't wait till those two can be more friendly.

Ah, new chapter! *does a happy dance*

And the chasm between them seems to widen. *SIGH!* I do so wish that Larsa would be more reasonable and clue her in, as opposed to the 'noble male proctecting a woman' crap he seems to have his mind stuck on. He'd get along so much better with her if she knew some things! *grumblemumble* And I really feel for Penelo - her rage is completely understandable! I'd be just as unwelcoming if I were her.

See, I love how you write a story. I always get so involved with the characters XD I can't wait for the next chapter ALREADY!