Marvelous that you abuse your writing so much, when it is so good.
Im supposed to tell you whats wrong though :/ ..RaRa's giving up so easily. After striking her like that.. Or Erik not leaving the house at last and killing him after his secret revealed and her abandonement.

Thats all I've got, I love it and cant wait for more ;)

Wow! It's awesome, and I love the long chapters. Most people write a lot of short chapters, and it gets really annoying and all. But, the long chapters make me a happy person. So, keep on writing and I will email a nice, pretty rose with a black ribbon on it. I actually have one in my room... *starts Phangirl phantasysing and poofles into a cloud of Jareth-brand glitter*

If Raoul is so perfect, then why did he strike her? ;)

Glad to finally see someone my age righting fanfiction!

I have to admit, at first I thought this story was going to be different than most of the others in the Pit. It was fairly well written, with the exception of the accursed song lyrics. On that note, if you are basing this on either the movie or stage musical, I suggest you move your story to the Misc. Movies or Musicals/Plays category.

However, one thing really set this story back for me earlier in the story. Raoul does not hit. Ever. Nor is he violent with Christine. The gentleman, love him as I do, is a bit of a wimp. But a gentleman who has been raised by two sisters and an aunt, no less. Hitting women is a little out of his comfort zone. I think you'd have a better chance of Christine slapping Raoul than vice-versa.

However, Erik hits. He also drags Christine around by her hair and screws with her head, but let's not get into that now.

By the time I was finished with this chapter, I am very sorry, but I knew I would not continue to read your story. The gone-violent-for-no-apparent-reason-EVIL!-Raoul makes me cry. That is not Raoul. That is not him at all. It is lazy writing. If you are going to give Raoul's personality a re-write have a real reason for his craziness. Perphaps the real Raoul is still stuck with the Persian in Erik's torture chamber, while his evil twin Shmaoul is whacking Christine around. Because, honey, that would be a better excuse for EVIL!-Raoul than "he was just born that way."

Do not worry. I read your Author's Note (and banged my head against the wall at the 'marriage and babies' comment). This is the type of story I'd expect from a fourteen year old. Actually, it was a little better than most fangirling fanfics I read here. I am sure you will indeed get some of those 'Great Job!' reviews you mentioned. However, that does not excuse the fact that you are ignoring set characterization. I suggest you read the original Leroux book before you write Phantom stories at all, but especially in the BOOK section.

Thank you for your time, darling.

Belle, so far I love this story! You are very talented.

My one piece of advice is to make your chapters shorter. It takes quite a bit of time to read 6,0 words. If you have shorter chapters, people will be more likely to read your story.

Keep up the good work!