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| Knux Rox 2008-03-16 ch 2,  | abuseIts not a bad idea for a story. But first you should consider rereading the story of the game again. There were a few flaws in the script here where Delita acknowledged Altima's existence. But everything Ramza did in the Monastary were only seen by him and those he left for dead. Got a good thing going, just make sure to keep the story on a strait line with that from the game. Small inaccuracies can make a big difference. |
| redshadow0220 2008-03-13 ch 2, | abusevery nice. i like this concept alot and hope to see you update soon. i feel that you have done a good job keeping the characters in character and im really curious to see how this all plays out. also if you are looking for a pre/beta reader i offer myservices if you would like. just please send me a PM about it if you are interested |
| SerialRavist 2008-02-19 ch 1, | abuseThis is an interesting concept, and your descriptions are pretty good. You need a pre-reader, though. I'd like to see some more character from Abranth, though I realize you left him mysterious on purpose. I hope you don't make him too Mary-Sue-ish; the thieves seemed terrified of him, which is maybe to be expected given how skilled he is, but as a reader his skill at fighting isn't enough to make me understand why they flinch from his gaze. Anyone can beat up on a few mooks and look good. I also think he should have left his plans vague, and instead just told the thieves he wanted to hire them. They're not competent enough to be told everything yet. Anyway, keep at it. I'll be reading. |