FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
| FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Bellacullen12 2008-06-24 ch 9,  | abuseOkay, I think that Bella needs to live and Jacob needs to DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! Sorry, I can't control my feelings about Jacob, so here... GO DIE IN A HOLE JACOB, YOU STUPID ROTTEN DOG! BTW- Vampires don't have blood. And Edward ROX! |
| Yuki-and-Annabelle 2008-03-23 ch 1, | abuseIts a good start, i would reread the books and check the how to spell the character names. You spell Emmett with 2 't' not one. Also elaborate on your sentences, tell more how the character is felling, try to imagine yourself as the character. Also try to follow Bella and Edward's personality more, like Edward is more straight laced, and Bella's not violent. Try not to make Edward do inresponsable things i mean he is just not that kind of person. Overall just keep in mind, don't make everything suttle, advance slowly. LOL i'm probably just freaking you out just now. I think you are starting a great story i love it so far. =D -Yuki |
| Raphael du Monte 2008-03-17 ch 1, | abuseFirst of all, the storyline sounds really nice. :] But you should fix some of your writings so it can be a bit more reader-friendly. Writing the line, "When?" will not show who said it. It will surely confuse people if you depend too much on inferencing. Try writing, "When?" Bella asked, irritated. The story has a good feel that draws the reader to read more and more, but I think writing a bit more detail about the story will help. (write about what they see, feel, understand) I like the first chapter, btw. Good job. :] |
| Me likey Jazzy 2008-03-17 ch 7, | abuselove |
| Me likey Jazzy 2008-03-15 ch 6, | abuseI love this. :) |
| Nedra22 2008-03-14 ch 6, | abuseIt's coming along great, can't wait to read more! |
| Me likey Jazzy 2008-03-07 ch 5, | abusethis is really good |
| Me likey Jazzy 2008-02-27 ch 4, | abuseI loved your last chapter. :) |
| xtreblemakerx 2008-02-27 ch 4, | abusehahahahah um, WOW out of character much? lol, i don't think you were quite evil enough to jacob. well, the transitions are a bit disconnected but it's kinda fun to read. i would try to do smooth it out some, and try to stick a bit more to bella's character. oh, and the twilight vampires don't have spiked teeth. |
| Me likey Jazzy 2008-02-26 ch 2, | abusereally good:) |