Reviews for Stardust - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Stardust

Gidibigibidi-etc 2008-03-07 ch 1,	abuseI liked the last one too, but I think this one is better-it`s great to see a bit more character interaction, and Sarah is more believable somehow. Keep it up, it`s just going to get better with practice;-)
Winter Lady 2008-03-04 ch 1,	abuseGood story. I like the introduction of a new character. Flows well. More please!
Chaosian 2008-02-28 ch 1,	abuseI liked the last one and i like this version as well.
magooglersriot 2008-02-28 ch 1,	abuseYay. This is really good. Kaidan is my favorite character so, I like it alot. I hope you continue this story. =]
Critisism Guy 2008-02-28 ch 1, anon.	abuseDefinatly better now that you've redone it, but it still seems a bit rushed to me, might I suggest perhaps a chapter or two dedicated solely to the survey team before introducing the Normandy crew? Perhaps they could have been ambushed by the Geth and be fighting a defensive action and set off an emergency beacon, thus drawing the attention of the Normandy whom of course happen to be just a little too last for most of the survey team? Also, i'm getting the feeling that you aren't familar with military style tactics or the lifestyle it entails. That lack definatly shows thru in your writing. For instance one would not be familar with shooting a sniper rifle but not an assasult rifle. Likewise, being skilled with a weapon is as much about knowing how it functions as it is about being accurate with it, hence why I say it's unlikely that someone could use a sniper rifle but not an assault rifle. Also, being skilled in hand-to-hand (or a demon at it, as you say) doesn't mean that much when a Krogan will outweigh your character by at least tripple and probably be fantasticlly stronger (despite popular theory, skill only takes you so far, strength and weight have far more to do with winning a fight than you would think). Finally, it is highly unlikely that the crew of a military vessel would send a wounded person anywhere other than the medbay for immediate medical attention. The grenade blast was also a bit off, real grenades have a 5 second fuse and can be "cooked off" so that the explode only a moment or two after throwing to prevent them from being thrown back. It would be more realistic to say that the grenade landed near the Survey part, but that she was shielded by the bodies of her comrades that were between her and the explosive. In real life, the kill radious of a frag grenade is only five meters, and the causuality (injury) range is fifteen meters, it would be entirely easy to be outside of either range even in a completely open environment. Just some things to keep in mind, as i've said before the story is definalty better this time around, I simply suggest that you keep away from writing about things that you're not actually familar with, as it introduces unrealilistic points in a story and detracts from the overall experiance

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