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| skywalker05 2008-02-29 ch 1,  | abuseGreat first two sentences. Yay, witty banter. "He rolled her eyes." is probably a typo... I was a little confused about whose POV the first section was from, but the actions being taken were very clear. I could see Mission slicing the door. I also like the witty first paragraph of the second part. Watch your tenses in that part. Good story. Aw, Zaalbar was heroic. Pretty good work. |
| almostinsane 2008-02-29 ch 1, | abuseGreat story! Thanks for writing this! This was awesome! God bless! |