I can defiantly see attempts at improvement in this story so you have my respect for that but you’re still very far away from producing a well done story. You started off with a lot less errors then you ended with, I could see that in the beginning of your story you took time to try and improve it but by the end you fell back into your old style. Your

biggest problem is that you write like you talk especially when you get excited during you finales. Don’t start using words like chilling or hanging out unless it is in dialogue. Chilling is a description for Temperature and hanging out is a cheap way to avoid writing what a set of characters is actually doing. Slang rarely helps a story and more often than not destroys its integrity as well as its meaning.

Another issue you want to keep in mind is how your Kaiju fight. There have been a great numbers of times you simply ignore the physiology of the Kaiju and start having them punch each other despite the fact that some Kaiju do not have arms long or strong enough to punch anything. Troy is half human so he gets away with punching but when he’s completely transformed he shouldn’t be doing a lot of punching unless you’re using the old showa designs.

Another problem, and this could be just me missing his entrance, but it seemed like Gigan just popped in out of nowhere to fight the zillas. One final problem I’ll address is the telepathic zillas. You really should make sure you have explanations or reasons as to why Zilla suddenly has telepathic abilities otherwise they might as well just talk because both tend to seem rather silly.

Overall I am impressed that you are making attempts to improve your writing. I was glad to see a lot less of the corny humor that I saw in your first story, and I am even more impressed that you went out seeking other people for more honest reviews instead of settling for what you want to hear.

Keep working at improving your stories don’t settle for what you have and really work hard at developing detail and developing your vocabulary.

hey cool i love kaiju humans stories they are awsome if your looking for my kaiju kids stories well you'll have to wait because chapter 1 is'nt finished yet.

Hey Cool

That was totally uncool, man. You had me all fired up and ready to go and then you just cut the story like that hinting to us that there maybe something even worse that a rampaging horde of either evolved or pre-evoled Godzillas, {I'm not sure which} loose in the city.
C'mon you cantell me it's space Godzilla, right, huh right? I'm right huh?

With peaked curiousity, Legair

these stories are pretty good though i still think you should make the fights a little longer also the reall godzilla wouldn't have lost to zilla he'd have just killed her how ever troy is human so he couldn't fight lkme the reall godzilla so what you did is acceptable however i feel you should have Godzilla sometimes take over and just have him fight how godzilla would

So far this has been a fast-paced story. The way you derived the human names from the kaiju names is clever: Rod - Rodan, Barry - Baragon, Irah - Ebirah. Rose for Biollante is especially a nice touch, since Biollante was a cross between a rose, a girl, and Godzilla's DNA.

One suggestion: I think you should find substitutes for "roar in pain". You use the expression quite a bit. How about, "howled" , "yelped" , or "whimpered"? Or even: "roared in agony"? It'll help break up the repetition in the description of the fight sequences.

Pretty good end to the fic, man, fun story. Looking forward to see what's in that comet!

It was cool.

Good chapter. Glade Troy on's his feet again.

Good chapter. Hope Troy will be ok. Where's the help when you need it? -_-.

Cool chapter. Now it's gonna be real interesting with the Zilla's using telephathy. ^_^

Good chapter. With Rod (Rodan) saying Godzilla (Troy) likes Biollante (ROse), it must be true. First stage is always denile. lol. Anyway it was a cool chapter.

Very cool. It would be interesting to see Troy and Rose together. lol. Cool chapter. Can't wait for the next.

Pretty good so far, dude. Keep it up!

Very cool chapter. It's very cool to see them go from humans to kaiju. ^_^

Whoa...This story is cool Troy! Nice action scenes! I am wor4king on the third chapter for MY story( The Race to be An Ace) on the fast and the furious Page also.