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| alix33 2008-06-12 ch 2, | abuse"Luna still had those big giant eyes, and her blond hair was much longer than she wore it on Teddy’s present." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'in Teddy's present'? "Ted observed how Ginny shocked her head," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'Ginny shook her head'? "the door in which Harry and Hermione has disappear was at his view." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'the door behind which Harry and Hermione had disappeared was in his view'? "With his brain working furiously and his first curled up to his sides," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'With his brain working furiously and his fists curled up by (or at) his sides,'? "Hermione and the frog-like women," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'Hermione and the frog-like woman,'? Because life would absolutely not be worth living at Hogwarts if there were two Dolores Umbridges, which you implied by using the plural form 'women'. "making sure to keep his distance but keeping them at view." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'keeping them in view'? "He followed them from ajar, keeping a safe distance, hiding himself behind threes." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'He followed them from afar, keeping a safe distance, hiding himself behind trees.'? "leaving him on the care of his godparents," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'in the care of his godparents'? "She had died out of a disease she acquired soon after her daughter and husband had died." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'She had died from a disease she acquired soon after her daughter and husband had died.'? "That was the only contact he ever ha with someone of his family," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'That was the only contact he ever had with someone of his family,'? "and felt something heavy on the pit of his stomach." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'in the pit of his stomach'? "were nothing compared to the excitement he was feeling just to the thought of seeing his parents," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'at the thought of seeing his parents'? "They got on a phone box," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'in a phone box'? "He got on the phone box and dialed the numbers that his godfather dialed whenever he would take him to work with him, just hoping that they were the same. Amazed,he heard a female voice said:" - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'He got in the phone box' and 'he heard a female voice say'? "help the other visitants”" - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'the other visitors'? "He was sure he saw Hermione turned around," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'Hermione turn around'? "Ted cling harder to the cloak," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'Ted clung harder'? "he heard Neville whispered, Ted looked around. There footsteps and shout behind a door." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'he heard Neville whisper' and 'There were footsteps and shouts behind a door.'? " “They might’ve run straight through to the hall” said the one that had almost stepped over Ted. “Check under the desks” said the other one." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: ' “They might’ve run straight through to the hall,” said the one that had almost stepped over Ted. “Check under the desks,” said the other one.'? "but the head had stayed on the jar," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'in the jar'? "Ted froze on his place." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'in his place'? " “Silencio” cried Hermione. And the rest of the sentence never came out. The other Death Eater pushed him aside. “Petrificus Totalus” shouted Harry, and the Death Eater fell on the floor, unable to move." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: ' “Silencio!” cried Hermione.' and ' “Petrificus Totalus!” shouted Harry'? "and was pointing to something on Harry’s hand," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'in Harry's hand'? " “Whaddever you do, Harry” said Neville fiercely from under the desk, “don’d gib it to him!” " - are you sure you didn't mean to write: '“Whaddever you do, Harry,”'? "and had memorized each of his parents features." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'parents' features'? "He soon heard disturbance," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'heard a disturbance'? "Death Eaters against member of the Order of the phoenix." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'members of the Order of the Phoenix'? "A shiny purple hair." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'A head of shiny purple hair'? "He saw her for a split of second," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'He saw her for a split second,'? "and found himself to her side." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'by (or at) her side'? "Good, no one had noticed the fact that there were two Remus Lupin." - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'two Remus Lupins'? Even though it seems you need a beta reader quite badly for this fic, I like it. |
| alix33 2008-06-12 ch 1, | abuse"Just the night before we went to the Ministry of Magic to make the official ceremony that would make Harry Teddy’s official grandfather," - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'Teddy's official godfather'? " “Pick up your wands, and start with your projects, students!” shouted McGonagall from above the noise that was created in the classroom as the students rushed up to pick up their projects just as they left them." - Since when does prof. McGonagall shout? Is she getting old a bit and losing her touch and forgetting to just glare the class into silence before she hands out assignments in a normal, though chilly voice? "What was he to loose?" - are you sure you didn't mean to write: 'What was he to lose?'? since 'loose' means a shoe lace that is not tied, or pans that aren't tight, and so on. |
| mangagirl18 2008-05-23 ch 3, | abuseInterresting story. I hope you'll update soon. There are a few grammer and spelling mistakes, so you might want to get a beta. But all in all nice job. |
| Lierian 2008-05-17 ch 3, | abuseWhat a great start. Ia m really enjoying this fic so far and hope you continue with it. Lierian |
| BlackDemonAngel 2008-05-15 ch 3, | abuseI really like it but it seems like an ending! B.D.A |
| pstibbons 2008-05-13 ch 2, | abuseAn interesting fic. Pity you had to accept that Ron and Hermione are together in the old life. That seems gratuitous and painful. |
| BlackDemonAngel 2008-05-13 ch 2, | abuseIts great I love it asnd Sirius is alive. Oh and the Twilight yeah I happen to be the same obssesed with it. I love it! CAn't wait for the next two books!UPDate soon! B.D.A |
| LeoLupin 2008-03-14 ch 1, | abuseWell hay lookie lookie who it is, i was wandering if i'd see anything more from this. |
| BlackDemonAngel 2008-03-13 ch 1, | abuseThis is really good. You should contuine. I want to know more please! B.D.A |