Sad, are you kidding? That was friggin hilarious

well, for starters WHERE THE HECK DID YOU GET ALL THIS?! yikes.

I will not compare Bella to Mrs. Pac-Man just to see if anybody will get the hint.

I will not ask Jacob if it's hard to brush his teeth.

I will not scream "I SEE UNDEAD PEOPLE!!" every time I see all the Cullens together.

I will not scream "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!" every time I see Jacob and his pack.

I will not scream "YOU ARE COMPLETELY USELESS!!" every time I see Bella trying to do something.

I will not ask "What the ** are you doing?" when I spot Mike spying on the Cullens, Jacob, or Bella.

I will not play "Happy People" during a serious moment.

I will not politely ask Rosalie to "BURN IN HELL!!".

... darn I ran out that quick...

this is really funny! there were only about a dozen in all three chapters that i didn't think were funny.

-GOTCM

You said that you're running dry. You could try something like "I will not by plane tickets to Transylvania for any of the Cullen's birthdays or Christmas." That was great, BTW.

BAHAHA

How about, I will not ask alice if she will help me plan bella's funeral.

I will not force edward to eat dirt and ask him if it tastes like pizza.

XD

lol I fell on my butt i was laughing so hard...ow...

Ha, i cuaght it! I will not repeatedly cut Bella! It took me a second to get it!

i love this fanfic! ideas...emmett should not go near harry potter. ever. it might give him ideas...tell alice that all he credit cards have been canceled. tell alice that the cullens went unexpectedly bankrupt. tell jasper that he has a feminine problem. set the cullens answering machine to ve vant to suck your blood. give emmett a sharpie. give emmett a microphone. tell bella that edward has gone to italy. take emmett to disneyland. give alice a lollipop for being so cute.

that's all i've got. update soon!

Oh my god thanks for thanking me! Need any more ideas?

that was so funny i've read all of the books that you mentioned... some more than others... (twilight). that was funny but i would tell Alice or Emmett to tell edward about the "mad Mountain Lion" diasease

This is so funny execpt for this:
I will not ask Esme if her dead baby looked like Edward.

SAD!

Orphan Ashley

love this!

Love the "I heart Jacob" t idea! Jake has a crush on Edward... Totally Brill. I don't even know what else to say.
Maybe include the following:
-I won't persuade Rose to try out for America's Next Top Model.
-I won't tell the Cullins that there's a reason people over a hundred years old aren't allowed to drive in this century.
-I won't tell Bella her truck is the devil.
-I won't tell Alice and Rose that Bella really wants a makeover.
-I won't tell Jasper that bars are fun.
-I won't offer to take the unsuspecting townfolk on a tour of the Cullen mansion.
-I won't tell Jessica that Edward is a swinger. (I don't know if I can even say that with a straight face.)
-I won't tell Jake that Edward accidentally killed Bella as an april fools joke.
-I won't tell Edward that Bella ran off with the wolves as an april fools joke.
-I won't convince Emmett that everyone else has a crush on his wife too.
-I won't tell Jasper that he's an Emo on the inside.
-I won't laugh when Edward says Emmett won't come out of the closet.
I don't even know if any of these are funny... But I tried.
Jessica

Bixby, Oklahoma. Not Ohio. Get it right, would ya?

Oh, I'm just kidding... Very funny stuff.

I actually laughed a lot at this...! Good idea!