Reviews for The 2nd survivor of the plane crash

Reviews For: The 2nd survivor of the plane crash

IamACritic 2008-06-17 ch 5,	abuseWhat are you stopping? plz don't this is very interesting.
Outlawxx13 2008-04-28 ch 4,	abusegreat story, but could do with some more frequent updating (no offense, you may have more important things, like have a life that doesn't revolve around fanfiction lol).
LaZ Teenager 2008-04-28 ch 4,	abuseI didn't even notice the Family Guy reference until you said it. Even so, I wouldn't suggest referencing today's culture in a '60 setting. Well anyway, I have a few questions: 1. Will he just like, sleep through the entire hijacking or something? 2. What melee weapon will you give him? I figure you have a choice between a wrench, a pipe, and a flashlight, the three Thuggish Splicer weapons, and I would say the flashlight's you're best choice since it might prove to be a good gimmick during those dark scenes. 3. Does Jack have to wear the white sweater? Couldn't he maybe wear his clothes from the cool promo trailer? 4. Will you find all the audio logs? It won't change much if you don't, but its those little details that are most important, right? Well, that's it for now. It's a good fic either way. I hope you update soon.
Dr. Mancusio 2008-03-31 ch 3,	abuseThis is pretty good. When I saw this, I was first anticipating something like a self-insertion or something desperate, but the presentation of the first three (two, really) chapters proves otherwise - a creative and quality way to introduce John, Bill, and attract interest. However, I would love it if you could tidy up grammar & punctuation. Plot and choice of words are two thirds of the battle for a good story - the other is presentation. Spaces after commas, typos, etc. I make them myself, those irritating pests, but it's always best to look out for them. I'd also like a little bit more detail on location, people & emotion. What you have, as I've said, is solid stuff and precisely why I intend to read the next instalment, but there's always room for improvement. Case in point, the first sentence/paragraph of chapter 3: "When Bill entered the little house he has a bit shocked at the news clippings he saw everywhere due to the fact he thought John was totally isolated from the outside world. Everywhere he looked he always found one of two clippings." It's small and littered with newspaper clippings. Good. But another few little details like the location of the clippings, the state of what he could see (e.g. a table with stale wood, items with holes in them, etc.) could do wonders for the reader interested in sitting down to this - and at the same time deter the quick flicker-by reader. For the former, the first few sentences could be something like this: "When Bill entered the little house he was a bit shocked at the news clippings scattered everywhere. Some lonely paragraphs had fallen onto the lonely floor, but prized black-and-white pictures, and even full articles, were pinned all over the wooden walls, giving the house a second layer of wallpaper. Everywhere he looked he always found one or two clippings. Bill was stunned, due to the fact he thought John was totally isolated from the outside world." Little things make the big things shine, as they say. Do as you wish, I'm looking forward to the next chapter pretty eagerly.
Outlawxx13 2008-03-23 ch 3,	abusehehe, finally, going on to the main plot. is this going to be the average chapter length?
Outlawxx13 2008-03-22 ch 2,	abusegood so far, im waiting with bated breath for the next chapters, don't give up, this looks like it could be a very good story.
BlindSniper 2008-03-19 ch 1,	abuseOk first thing is first NEVER put down your own story. Don't flat out tell the reader that they should read a different story because yours sucks. You wrote this for a reason and you obviously posted it so you atleast think it's some what good. Why shouldn't we expect much, you don't need to be an author to write great stories. There are a few sites that can help with better more inspiring word choices. Never set for ordinary, make the readers (myself included) sitting on the edge. Have someone read our your rough draft before publishing to see what someone other then you thinks about the story. (I'd be happy to help if you want, just send me a message) Other then that it's not at all a bad story. Maybe just spend a bit more time on chapters. Like my stories I spend atleast a couple weeks write each one. My ideas change a lot and it's nice to not whip out a chapter and then wish that I had done something else. You story was good and I can see it growing into a very well crafted story.

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