This is a great story! I cannot wait til the next chapter!

Okay first the good news. The plot seems good enough, at least as much of it as I could read. This story has definite potential.

Bad news is I couldn't even get through the first chapter. You seriously need to do some proofreading here, both for grammer and spelling. If the story isn't legible, it doesn't matter how good the plot is, people will not read it.

Here's hoping for your next chapter.