Reviews for Some School We're At

Reviews For: Some School We're At

Bloodtoast 2008-06-21 ch 1,	abuseLove, you got to understand that the people who "flamed" your work weren't actually flaming you. They're trying to help. They're critiquing your story, and if you're planning on having a long-term experience in writing, that you're going to have to get used to critiques, because they WILL happen. And there may be a time when you get real "flames" that will hurt you worse then these people have, so you have to prepare yourself. If you're planning on publishing your work, you have to be prepared for the good and the bad reviews. Not everyone will love your story, and this coming from someone who's had quite a bit of experiences. Now, I'm in no way trying to be hurtful to you. This is just me giving you honest, helpful tips to improve your writing. Firstly, you should try and improve your grammar. You have to put spaces after periods, commas, quotation marks etc. You should also try detailing your story better. Give "juicy details", make your sentences longer etc. Here's an example: (Directly from the last chap. of your story): "Um...wanna go home?"Gary asked. "Uh..sure I guess."Stella said. They walked all the way back to Bullworth. As the approached the front gate,they stopped. "I had fun..."Stella said. Gary smiled. Stella quickly kissed Gary on the cheek and ran back to the Girl's Dorm. Gary blushed and rubbed his cheek. "Wow."He said. (Here's a revised version I did with "juicy details"): "Um, want to go home now?" Gary asked. He rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort, refusing to meet Stella's eyes. Their kiss had left him disoriented and frazzled. His heart was racing a mile per minute. "Uh, sure... I guess," Stella said quickly. Her own cheeks tinged pink, and she bit her lip as she looked on at Gary. They walked all the way back to Bullworth in comfortable silence. When the front gate came into view, they slowed their pace, not wanting the night to end. Gary stopped in front of the gate and smiled, meeting Stella's eyes. "I had... fun," Stella said shyly. Gary nodded, smiling wider. Stella pressed her lips together, hesitantly leaning toward Gary. Her heart jumped into her mouth, and she hastily pressed a kiss to his cheek. She turned and ran back to the Girl's Dorms, unable to stay and watch Gary's reaction. Gary's hand found its way to his cheek. His fingers ran over the length of his cheek, and he smiled dimly, his eyes foggy. "Wow," he breathed. I agree with what other people have said -- please try and make the characters more, well, in-character. Especially the Bullworth ones. I'm not going to say that your crossover idea was a bad choice. Fanfiction is freedom, and you can do whatever you want with it. I hope I helped. And good luck with your writing!
EvilChick101 2008-06-14 ch 6,	abuseI liked it. It was pretty good.
Dragonballgeek101 2008-05-09 ch 6,	abuseLol That is something Beatrice would do. Good job!! Update soon
lov 2008-05-07 ch 1,	abuseDon't let anyone discourage you from continuing your story. I've had hurtful reviews too. I'm new to writing Bully fanfics right now. The offensive reviews make me feel more determined to try to outdo these arrogant, so called "expert" authors. People will put you down to feel good about themselves. My advise to you is to KEEP WRITING. Good luck on your future works.
Pen of Paracelsus 2008-05-06 ch 1,	abuseYou know what, I was a jerk to you yesterday I'm sorry. I'll just leave you alone.
Dragonballgeek101 2008-05-06 ch 5,	abuseI've got to say, I've got somewhat of an intrist in this story. I like how you write whatever the ** you feel like. GO YOU! :D Don't listion to the other revierws, this is . You can crossover what ever the hell you want, weither they mix or not. And, plus, people always find a way to twist and turn things so they fit in nicly. lol So, well, all I got to say is, well... update soon! ♥
Pen of Paracelsus 2008-05-05 ch 5,	abusedepressed sign Wings X bully crossover... really? 0_0 I'm sorry I'm not gonna shoot own wings club because I m sure you MUST like it but come on wings does not go well with Bully, Bully the little brother of Grand theft auto... urgg it puts everyone off character and I have no idea what the wings girls look like, readers like description, don't think because this is fan fiction you can get away without description... :(
Phobiic 2008-03-30 ch 4,	abuseAh, yes, just like you pulled off the House/Winx crossover, correct? be fair, dear. if you didn't care about what any of us had to say, you wouldn't tell us to review to start with. make up your mind. we're only trying to help you.
FireQueen101 2008-03-30 ch 4,	abuseI honestly don't care about what any of you are saying.I like the idea and I know I'm gonna pull it off.I really don't care if I'm "crossing the line" .
The Samurai Poet 2008-03-30 ch 4,	abuseUnlike everyone else, I think it's actually possible to put these two things together in one story. But not only is your structure somewhat bad, everyone's out of character. And it's not that hard to keep at least the Winx kids in character, either.
Phobiic 2008-03-30 ch 3,	abuseThe sentences don't leave much to the eye, really. It's just telling, not showing. What about for those who've never seen the Winx Club but still want to read the story. How are they going to know what any of the girls look like? With or without wikipedia. Not to say your story was bad, but, I found some of the Bully characters to be rather 'ooc' - - out of character, to be blunt. It didn't sound all that real and didn't capture my attention for long. All in all, like stated before; "There's limits to what you can and cannot crossover." And you're crossing the limit.
Divine Desires 2008-03-24 ch 2,	abuseI'll be honest... As cool as the Winx Club and Bully are on it's own, it's never ever a good idea to mix an incredibly fantastical series with one that's more honest and gritty. Bully tells the tale of how hard life can be in a private boarding school (albeit exaggerated and with a touch of dry humour). It's set in a realistic world. The Winx Club tells the story of fairy girls and their powers, along with the responsibilities that come with it. While it may include Earth in this series' canon, it's not the same as portrayed in Bully. That, and your story reads out like a really long poem D: It's made up of really short sentences. Try using longer paragraphs and longer, more descriptive sentences. Reading is all about imagination :) While this is a rather interesting idea, it's very difficult to pull off D: Maybe with other Rockstar titles like GTA, sure, but The Winx Club? It's too 'girly' to mesh properly with a 'boyish' setting, to put it simply. Please don't take this as an insult, the internet make all my words really blunt X_X
FireQueen101 2008-03-22 ch 2,	abuseWhat do you mean?
H.B.B. Sam 2008-03-22 ch 1,	abuseThere's limits to what you can and cannot crossover.
FireQueen101 2008-03-22 ch 1,	abuseBe sure to give my story a Review!

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