How can this story possibly be anything around the subject of Land of Elyon?

This is original fiction. You are on a site called fanfiction. Doesnt work very well, does it? Try Fiction Press (w . fictionpress . com, without spaces), its for original fiction.

interesting. if you need a beta reader than i'll do it. im bored anyway

MY GAWD!

Im soo friggin cool in this story. heehee, i love tha bit, with me getting my bro back. Corse if he did that in REAL Life.

so dead

so so dead.

:D

I WANNA READ IT AGAIN!

it seem shorter on fan fic -.-

x

You DO know that you're supposed to post only FANFICTION here, not original work. (and I suggest you put some work into it.)

You have really bad grammar. It made the story difficult to read. I gave up half way through.

Heya! It's moi you *insane* friend jenni! thanx 4 that bye the way! I remeber reading this it's awesome but i'll catch up on stuff i havnt read!

c ya!

This is really good! but I think you should definitely break it into a bunch more chapters. It's REALLY hard to read right now because it's so long! You have a lot of grammar mistakes so watch out for that. Also I think this could be amazing if you put more detail. If you described every bodies emotions and describe what everything looked like it would be awesome. So just look over it again. I hope I don't sound too mean! because I'm not trying to be!

Alexa Daley