FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
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| samile 2008-03-27 ch 1,  | abuseEh, I think this story has potential...perhaps you might consider fleshing it out a bit more to make it more interesting for the reader to read. You give almost no details or descriptions to draw the reader in and keep their attention. The dialogue you have is seemingly off-hand, stilted and doesn't come off realistically at all. Scenes tend to run together which makes it hard to follow as well. This could be a good piece with a bit of work and polishing, in my opinion. |