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| WhtsThFrequency 2008-07-05 ch 8, | abuse"Kudos for not turning Will into a Mary Sue and keeping Charlie firmly away from OCness." I wholeheartedly agree. You avoided the easy route and having taken on the difficult task of introducing a new character as well as taking an already-presented character and keeping him true to his name. Personally, I like that you don't have to rely on dialogue to create auras within the story, or develop your characters. I like your descriptions, they truly penetrate. I really look forward to more of this, and I don't say that about many stories. "His hands were shaking. His hands never shook." - these two, short sentences said what paragraphs and paragraphs sometimes could not. Just those little things are what make you a good writer. |
| Speakfire 2008-07-02 ch 7, | abuseThis chapter is by far my favorite. You did such an incredible job of conveying the characters thoughts and emotions. |
| Arleena 2008-07-01 ch 7, | abuseI love this. I can't really describe what I liked about this chapter.. but you created a feeling of.. frustration and timelessness? ..from the surroundings and the heat. Even though not a lot is happening action wise, it increases the story's intensity. Kudos for not turning Will into a Mary Sue and keeping Charlie firmly away from OCness. And thanks for the quick-er update. :) |
| Elf-Warrior-13 2008-06-25 ch 6, | abuseYAY you updated! I'm so happy; I've been waiting for more of this! :) |
| Caranaraf 2008-06-21 ch 6, | abuselove the new chapter! and never mind, just because there is not much dialogue doesn't mean there is no action. It maybe sounds a bit strange but I really liked your description of the heat... it made feel quite uneasy and frustrated myself... but in a good way...well you know what I mean :-) I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Cheers, Caranaraf |
| Caranaraf 2008-06-20 ch 5, | abuseyay, another great chapter! I really like Will's character development and where the story is heading. I hope you will update soon again! |
| Quinn14 2008-06-18 ch 5, | abusethat was really good. please update soon-Quinn |
| Arleena 2008-06-18 ch 5, | abuseI was thinking about this story the other day, thinking it's been a while since it's been updated and that it was a shame... I'm not trying to make you feel any worse, truly! I understand totally... I have a sequel I promised to write for one of my 'two-shots' on LJ which I never have... So don't fret.. as long as you continue, dammit! :) As for the chapter, I really enjoyed this.. tension! I thought your dialogue was great, imho not cliched or stilted at all. That always helps in creating a more realistic story, something I can picture or to which I can relate. I know I've said this before, but I also like flawed characters (I hunt Mary Sues with a vengeance XD)and Charlie is one I can't stand being turned into a romantic or weakling. So well done. Hope to see some more of this soon.. or whenever. No pressure, k. Well, alright just a little... WRITE! You evil woman, ending with that cliffie... x |
| Fair Trade Organic 2008-06-17 ch 5, | abuseYou're alive!! And the first thing you do after you return from the dead? Leave us readers with a cliff-hanger. You're evil! :D I liked the line about putting her out of HIS misery, it was clever. I hope you post a new chapter soon! |
| Caranaraf 2008-05-30 ch 4, | abusehiya, just wanted to tell you I really love your story! I think you're developing Will`s character very well and I like the fact that she's not just falling for prince in the blink of an eye^^ hope you update soon! cheers, caranaraf |
| Pinkey the Brain 2008-05-06 ch 4, | abuseWho is Terrence in the movie? I don't actually remember him. Other than that, I love it. |
| Arleena 2008-04-21 ch 4, | abuseIt was nice to see some character building.. Will is shown to be a real, multifaceted character which is great. I don't mind that you don't go straight into the action in order to build her character. Btw, you might want to look at the chapter again.. there are a few random '3/4's around the place. =] That's fine. It'll be interesting to see why you think Charlie turned out that way.. Can't wait for more. |
| Fair Trade Organic 2008-04-13 ch 3, | abuseOh boy, you certainly like to build the suspense, don't you? I've always been partially to chapters that are written as if from a later perspective looking back; they always intrigued me. Great job! |
| Arleena 2008-04-12 ch 3, | abuseOnce again, great characterisation! The suspense kept me at the edge of my seat throughout this chapter, as cliche as that sounds. All I ask is that you don't abandon this fic which often happens on fanfiction... it's too good for that! Update soon (yes, I know I'm being greedy, especially since you just updated.. it just goes to show how much I am enjoying it) =] |
| Arleena 2008-04-12 ch 2, | abuseWow, exciting story! You won't find any criticism here.. I like your characterisation of all the characters introduced so far, and the edge of realism. It's a dark, gritty world, and often many authors forget that. For example, for me, Charlie needs to be written like the violent sociopath he is in the movie. I can't wait for the next chapter! |