ms/mr. dolen *seriously, don't put ur name up on the net. u can't trust everyone* did we watch the same movie? juno had a boy. vanessa loved kids, she would never abuse the baby. she even called the baby 'sweet angel.' juno chose a closed adoption. that means juno can't have any contact w/ the baby.

i'm going to try and not be mean, but this story right now is just crap! what you have is a rough outline of what could possibly be a good interesting fanfiction. so please, for the sake of myself and others:

1. get your facts straight; juno had a boy, not a girl.

2. explain your ideas: why did juno suddenly want to see her baby when she wanted a closed adoption? why would vanessa harm the baby she's wanted her whole life and even called 'sweet angle?'

3. although your spelling was pretty good, your grammer was horrible. let the computer be your friend and help you spot areas of concern

4. stay in the same person: you started off in 3rd person, switched to 2nd. "You see Vanessa with the baby slapping its face." instead change it to: "The police and Juno saw Vanessa slapping the baby's face." or something along that nature.

5. for the safety of yourself: DO NOT PUT YOUR NAME OUT ON THE WEB! take it off!

with these suggestions and others you can change this outline into a good story! you really just need to work hard on it.

...I just lost so many IQ points reading this crap. There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said by other reviewers, and judging from the fact that this is the ONLY abomination you've ever posted, I'm going to guess that you've absorbed the message that you shouldn't be writing stories for the public to read until you've ascertained a few basic skills.

hey,

so i read this and i think it could be a really good story! right now it seems more like an outline. Just look over it, add some more, and maybe rewrite it!

and whatever you do, don't listen to the people who tell you that you suck at writing or that this is a retarted fanfic.

gee you guys

i didnt even read all parts fo the reviews. They were longer than the fic ! and i agree with the guy down there. This is fan fiction. Not juno 2. Yeah, it is kinda lame. like, things are going way too fast. But i looved the idea :D

hey all you flamers:

ok, so alex dolen's [seriously, take your name off, you can't trust people!] story wasn't the best in the world. So what? What do you care? This is FAN FICTION, not something someone is putting up to win a Nobel Prize. Jeez, you guys are acting like poor alex was like "omg this was the best story in the world so please read!" She never made any promises. Or he. Who cares.

Now to alex:

I have some tips and I won't be mean about it.

1. Try to get your details straight. Go on the web if you don't have enough time to watch the movie or read the book or whatever.

2. Don't go OOC, or out of character. Vanessa loves kids. She would never abuse them. If you want Vanessa to be evil, say why. Is she being abused? Is she suffering from mental illness? Details, dude!

3. Grammar. Please. This is one of my, and many's, pet peeves. Commas are important. So is capitalization.

4. Create a title! Don't steal the old one!

You have potential, I admit. You have creativity. Just fix up your work, maybe even get a beta to help you, and you won't get as many flames again! Hopefully.

All right. I'm going to give you some constructive criticism, because you seriously need it. I think you could have made this fic decent if you had tried harder, taken the time to add in dialogue (which is always very important) and kept Juno, Mark, and Vanessa in character. Your fic could have had some serious potential if you had stretched it out into a WIP and worked hard on improving the way you construct you sentences. With more interesting twists and drama this could have been an enjoyable fic to read.

If you work harder I'm sure your future stories will be better :) Sorry if I've offended you, just trying to help. on the plus side, your spelling was really good!

Good luck on future stories!

xox Sacha

Question: Are you in second grade? You don't use "like" in writing as if you were talking to your friends. Another question: Vanessa wanted this baby her whole life. "I was born to be a mother." So /why/ would she abuse it? And why on earth did Juno just randomly rush over to her house? She never wanted to see the baby again. And the baby is a boy.

Those were just the plot problems.

This story is so filled with grammatical errors I couldn't even finish it. It was awkwardly written, disjointed, stiff, with no detail at all.

What grade did you get on this?

Erm Well that was ok but you really need to give more reason as to why Vanessa would abuse a child she's wanted her whole life and why Juno just came storming into Vanessa's house one day. Its a bit OOC to be honest. Don't be offended by any-thing I've said I just want to give you some help as many other people have tried to do

E x

I don't want to sound mean or anything and I don't claim to be an expert on writing. However I have just watched the movie Juno and I think you really made Vanessa OOC. She's wanted to have a baby her entire life. The last thing she would do is abuse it. That being said the baby was also a boy as I see many other people have already pointed out.

I wish you the best of luck in any other future writing ventures and suggest that you might want to do a little more research into the subject you pick next time.

-TMM-

Um...wow. I'm surprised you were allowed to write something like this for your English class. You could've made it so much better if you added more detail and added more emotion to the characters. Everything was "he said, she said" material; there wasn't any depth to the characters, which made this pretty boring to read. Fanfiction isn't like school; have fun with writing your stories! They don't have to be a certain length or anything for here, since you're not getting graded (unless you count your reviews as grades).

One thing I REALLY don't get is why you classified this as Drama/Humor. I understand the drama part, but WHY would this story be considered humor? I don't see anything humorous in child abuse at all.

I really like ur story, though I feel a bit sorry 4 Vanessa... Anyway, great! Is it going to be continued?

Never in all my years as a devoted fanfiction writer/reader have I ever read something that... bad. Vanessa abuse her child? First off all, IT WAS A BOY YOU RETARD! Secondly, she would not abuse the child she'd be waiting so long for. Why would Juno suddenly and out of the blue want to see the kid? They were completely out of character. Did we even see the same movie? You really need some help here because I'm smelling something and it smells like this shit of a story.

FANFICTION BURN!

Well, for one thing "Alex", this is one of the worst stories I have read. Not only is it devoid of reason, emotion, description and substance, it is definitely OOC. If you don't know what that means, it means out of character. Basically, there has to be a reason Vanessa would hurt the child she waited for so long. The child she gave up her husband for, the child she was so excited to be getting, the reason she was "still in". Did you even see the movie?

The baby was male, not female. It's not only the most pathetic thing I've read so far, it doesn't even classify as a story.

WATCH THE MOVIE, IMPROVE, REWRITE!

DemonicFlame

One, you need to draw things out. Add detail, emotions, and reasons.

I, for one, cannot fathom why Juno would visit Vanessa in the first place. You need to add a reason - maybe she had a dream about the baby and /neded/ to see him, to make sure Vanessa was okay.

And onto the next key plot point. Why was Vanessa abusing the baby?

Was she overly stressed out? Was she being abused, too?

What would make someone so devoted to becoming a mother abuse their only son?

I suggest you try re-writing it up, and getting some more practice at grammar and spelling.

have fun! add some of Juno's brilliant humor to it, add some depth. Make it believeable!

This wasn't a good fanfiction, but it has the possibilty of becoming one.

Just keep trying, okay?

Hope I helped,

Jessiz.