|Reviews for Back Burner|
| Bobboky 11/16/12 . chapter 55
| senshiHg 11/9/12 . chapter 55
This is actually a brilliant idea. Besides, at least watching WINX is more manly than My Little Ponies because you can say you are checking out pixilated girls. ;)
| Harry2 11/8/12 . chapter 55
You're not the only one who remembers Winx's Club! But WHY did you have to make Buffy Bloom? Why not Willow? She would have been PERFECT for that! Especially when Bloom went Dark.
| Lord Edric 8/14/12 . chapter 16
I would love to see more of this story
| Sean Malloy-1 8/14/12 . chapter 52
Just as good as the first version, but you left your readers hanging.
| Sean Malloy-1 8/13/12 . chapter 54
| karthik9 8/13/12 . chapter 54
it is excellent chapter i look forward to future updates
| CU Administration 7/11/12 . chapter 2
Hi there! This is Jewel from Critics United here to take your request. Sorry for the wait!
First, your first chapter and last chapter from what I've seen are both in violation of the rules as they are author's notes chapters. That violates the non story rule and your entire story can be pulled for just that. I suggest you remove them and post actual story in place of them.
You're writing style has an action feel to it and it's very easy to fall into right from the beginning.
There were a few areas of missing punctuation. That seems to be one of the weaker spots. You're doing this with dialogue:
"Good point." The boy said.
"Good point," the boy said.
A comma ends declarative dialogue when a dialogue tag (the boy said) follows, not a period. If it had been like this:
That would be correct. Also remember there always has to be quotations around dialgoue. There were a few places where there were none.
Another thing I've picked up on is there is a lack of details. There's no characterization, no description on anything to paint the picture. True those reading in this fandom know what the characters look like, but characterization helps the story pop more, as does having more feeling from the characters. The story is being told, but we aren't seeing how the characters respond emotionally to certain situations. Like this part here:
she twisted the arm of one soldier behind his back and side kicked another in the chest knocking him into one of the shelves. She then tossed her prisoner at the woman whom had been checking the explosives.
You could have gone into a bit more depth to make the scene more visual. Here's an example:
After twisting one of the soldier's arm behind his back, Buffy smirked at the creaking sensation she felt before kicking the other dead in the chest. The blow knocked him into some flimsy shelves and he crumpled to the floor in a heap, broken pieces clattering around him. The male, who trying to break free of her iron grip on his arm was tossed at a woman who obliviously checking the explosives.
See how little things make the scene pictured a little more? With this fandom, there's a lot of action and from how this story started, it seems there will be more fight scenes. Fight scenes in stories can get boring so you really have to put the extra effort to keep your readers entertained.
Hope this review was helpful to you!
[Founder of Critics United]
| LadyKtherine29 6/25/12 . chapter 54
I did not know about this blackout date. How about we do a black out week? say all of next week. Lets face it if they get rid of all the etreme violence the anime section should just be taken down as should a big section of tv and books. This is crap on there part.
| twistyguru 6/22/12 . chapter 54
Me, I'm migrating to . Screw these guys, especially the (insert long string of expletives here) in Critics United!
| twistyguru 4/14/12 . chapter 52
| twistyguru 10/16/11 . chapter 55
ook! Summoning an alien queen? Dumb, boys, very dumb.
That one could get nasty real quick.
| s 9/24/11 . chapter 3
| s 9/24/11 . chapter 2
shit glad you stoped
| Sean Malloy-1 9/7/11 . chapter 53
Very nice job on your idea, I hope to see some of these ideas turned into actual stories at some point.