much much better ^^
and hey..at least your updating more than i am ^^

Hello! Sounds original. I'll be looking forward to reading this.

But, maybe you should have longer chapters?

You have my fangirl attention! I like this. Looking forward to the rest.

Hey, I like this. I'm a sucker for complicated love triangles. Update soon

sounds more like a summary with dialogue thrown in...
work on the fluidity ^^