great story! i can't wait to read the longer version!

It is very nice to read,although my teacher always emphasizes that our essays should not be based on a dream.There are many good phrases and I like how it was a dream.It would be terrible if Edward died...

I loved it! I was a little hesitant at first, because it is a real challenge to write in the style of Stephenie Meyer. Almost every single person who writes a Twilight fanfic always does a horrible job at mimicking the book, but you did a farely decent job. Well done!

You got me a little confused with the part where you said "I screamed as the wolf broke his neck." Then said "I ran, sobbing over the death of my angel." First off, don't vampire's have to be ripped to shreads to be killed? Then, if he was dead, how did he comfort Bella after she killed the little girl?

Also, in writing a Twilight fanfic, lots of people overdo it with the proper-sounding scentences. Remember, the book was supposed to portray the sense of Bella writing in a diary. She didn't use proper words or scentences sounding like she was giving a speech in front of the class. It was her mind that was talking, not a literature speech. So just be careful not to overdo it in that.

Yes, i would advise you to change the rating to K+ because of the whole blood ordeal.

Great story!

-Alien

it was a kinda cheesy and dint make much sense, sorry to say. I htought it was cheesy that they were runnign hand in hand after they just killed a animal and she felt bad. it was odd, like a fairytale running around holding hands in the forest. also isnt edward the angel? it said the wolf killed the angel then she ran over to edward who was standing. im really unclear about this chapter. maybe you should rewrite this to make it more clear. tnx
xxedwardloverxx