|Reviews for Dry Lake, Revisited|
| InuJoey 1/19/13 . chapter 1
N thats whay I never go out in the dessert and hunt .
| Deathmvp 4/24/12 . chapter 1
A great look at what Kitt must have been thinking.
| heartfallen 10/11/08 . chapter 1
Neat story! It was a pleasure to read
| Rhea Silverkeys 6/7/08 . chapter 1
Hello! I'm finally reading the stories for the challenge. I don't know this fandom, so the beginning confused me a bit. But then I realised 'I' was the car. The repeating loop of that sequence threw me off for a bit, I thought you'd made a mistake at first! But then I realised it was all part of the story...
"Oh, no. Michael is…Michael is…halfway out the window. And he’s not moving. And the equipment that can monitor his condition isn’t functioning. And I can’t see whether he’s breathing with this scanner. And he’s not moving."
This was a very well-written paragraph. It's got a lot of feeling put into it, I liked this paragraph a lot.
Aww! I love the ending! It's so sweet and good. It really showed the relationship the car and owner have. And when the car was going "...Michael? Michael...please...You're scaring me." That just broke my heart. I was feeling for the car so much, and it sounded like a lost little puppy dog.
But anyway! I enjoyed reading this, I think you wrote it quite well.
| LaylaBinx 5/31/08 . chapter 1
Aw! Super cute! Great job!
| Nate Son 4/19/08 . chapter 1
I liked this alot. I've never seen many fics that work out KITT's views like that. The story flowed, but I do have one nitpick.
The flashbacks were too much. There were too many of them. Maybe one or three, but five? (seemed like five)
I think it was a great peice of work, and that you shoul write some more. I'll definitely be keeping my eye on you.
| vespurrs 4/1/08 . chapter 1
For someone new to writing in the fandom, I'd say you're off to a terrific start. You've captured Kitt's voice really well here, and I like the thought processes he's going through. The loop was very effective, if a little confusing at first. Nicely done, and a good coda to the episode. I'd like to see more KR from you.
| sky blue star 4/1/08 . chapter 1
You did an excellent job at conveying what Kitt's point of view might have been during that showdown. I can picture him thinking all that about Michael, and the status of his own capabilities while sitting there for so long in silence. His commentary was exactly in character, and you fleshed out the impact with Goliath very well.
I hope you will write more KR fic in the future. This was very good for a first story.
| Shining Nova 4/1/08 . chapter 1
Wow. Nice fic you got here. I wanna point out a few things...
-Ellipses abuse (and I never thought I would have to tell someone they use it too much). Here...
/This leaves ample opportunity to scan his ‘Goliath’, which is an extraordinarily oversized vehicle I might add…a Peterbilt, if my memory banks are not mistaken. In addition to that…/
Ellipses after 'that' make no sense to me. Another place...
/It is surprisingly difficult…and does nothing to ease the residual ache from impact…/
Ellipses between 'difficult' and 'does' makes no sense. Why not a comma? Last spot...
/I’m fairly certain my vocal unit is functional enough for me to make myself heard…but…/
Ellipses after 'heard' should be replaced by a comma. Ellipses after 'but' is okay, but not preceeding 'but.'
-Some of your dashes were fishy as well, like...
/My urgency is swiftly rewarded – by waves of static and a mass of error reports./
I don't think it's as much the dash as the word you used after it. Instead of 'by,' 'with' would have sounded better. See, the reward is the static and error reports. The error reports aren't giving you the reward, as implicated through 'by,' it IS the reward. Does that make sense?
-I'm a grammar fascist, so I'm sorry if I'm harping on this. You made a comma mistake...
/He was in the car, and the impact was on the opposite side from the driver’s seat./
Compounds don't need commas. I notice a lot of people make that mistake. Moving on...
-I'm not sure about this one... 'tyres.' Some people spell it differently, though, so I think I'll leave that alone.
-Hardly, fairly, and quite are all empty adverbs. They don't do anything for the sentence. Actually, it weakens the sentence sometimes.
-Try using more simple sentences. I noticed you're fond of complex sentences and compounds. You'll find that simple sentences keep the readers engaged. Just add a few for more flexibility.
-Sentence structure was a bit funny to me in certain places. Here...
/…Wherever this is, at any rate. To determine that requires more effort. I busy myself with self-diagnostics, shutting down power to the systems that are nonfunctional, determining what I have left to work with…while all the while wondering if Michael is all right./
Repetition of 'while' caught my eye. I know it serves two different purposes in the context, but that sentence would have flowed better if it was written like...
…Wherever this is, at any rate. To determine that requires more effort. I busy myself with self-diagnostics, shutting down power to the systems that are nonfunctional, determining what I have left to work with... all the while wondering if Michael is all right./
See? There was no use to repeat 'while.' Another place...
/The primary scanner is barely functional, with the interior scanners in hardly any better condition/
I'll experiment with that sentence...
/The primary scanner is barely functional; the interior scanners are hardly in better condition./
Sounds better to me. And it doesn't make the eyes do a double take. Final one I'll point out...
/Edge of the other’s grill down the hood, alloy tearing like paper, circuits firing wildly with this feeling – is this pain? Is this what Michael feels every time – and now the wheel, sending their smaller shell rolling away, the frame groaning to hold itself in/
Maybe it's just me, but I don't get it at all. I understand that impact's been made, and that KITT was hit, but the sentence in itself made me go... 'huh?'
Anyway, moving on to the good stuff...
-Plot was fantastic. I know a little bit about the fandom. You pulled it off great. Kudos!
-POV was also great. You pulled it off nicely, and you really hit the descriptions and KITT's thoughts on the head.
-Brilliant fic. You're a damn good writer and you should keep up the good work.
| cathrl 4/1/08 . chapter 1
Oh, that was fun!
First person...as a car. Yup, I think you can safely say that's something not in most people's comfort zones :) It's a LONG time since I saw Knight Rider, but I could still hear KITT's slightly fussy voice all the way through this, and his concern for Michael was just right. And I remember "zigged when we should have zagged" - that's quite scary given that I haven't seen this episode in 20 years. You brought it all back. I wonder if it's on TV round here?
One little nit to pick...your first repeated memory chunk is sufficiently long that to start off with I assumed you'd just pasted it in there twice somehow. Maybe start off with a much shorter repeated loop to show what's going on?
| Monotonehell 4/1/08 . chapter 1
42:57 PM is my favourite time of day :)
I have the faintest recolections of seeing this show as a kid, but one thing that I remember is KITT's voice. So as I read the dialogue it was in my head.
It's well written, develops a nice sense of anticipation in the latter part, and even manages to create some empathy for KITT's situation. I like that we're discovering what's going on along with KITT from the scant bits of information - this really works in the first person (first car?).
The only bit of prose I had trouble with was this line:
"and now the wheel, sending their smaller shell rolling away, the frame groaning to hold itself in"
I don't understand what it means, "smaller shell?" You might want to clarify that.
Otherwise mission accomplished!
| LA Suka 4/1/08 . chapter 1
Great job at this!
| Lady Razorsharp 3/31/08 . chapter 1
Whew. You had me worried there.
They're not 'fine' by any stretch of the word, but...at least they're alive.