"Severus Snape, potions master, death eater, and surprisingly good limbo dancer, awoke with a start. "Huh? Where am I?" "YOU ARE," a sepulchral voice growled out, only to stop and hock up a load of phlegm, before continuing in a sexy contralto. "You're in a park, just down the street from Potter's place. The wards reacted rather badly to you, so we decided to knick you out of there before they cooked you like a side of bacon." Snape quelled his rising panic when he noticed that while he was feeling the chill of their presence, he wasn't noticing any particularly bad memories or painful past recollections. "Aren't I supposed to be reliving my worst nightmares right about now?" The two dementors laughed like the sound of tinkling bells, before one responded, "Well, you'd have to have a soul for that to work." - That was very funny and yet, in a way, nothing we did not know.

"Luna was snuggled up behind Harry, her slender arms embracing him as her hands worked their magic, nuzzling his neck and whispering things that Ron would have had to look up in the dictionary to figure out." - Thus Luna was whispering the whole known English vocabulary except for "Bloody hell" and "food"?

"Now we need to work on expanding your magical core," Luna said, when she noticed that Harry's eyes had began to focus again and he no longer looked like a concussed puppy." - AW!

"So, Voldemort…" "Probably doesn't at all. If he had, he wouldn't have needed to do all those dark rituals to expand his core and no one who has a couple of orgasms a day becomes a Dark Lord. It takes a great deal of sexual frustration to become that evil. Besides, everyone knows Dark Magic shrivels the penis." - That actually makes sense.

Those dementors were funny.

"the other one said, "we collected a batch of Draco and Snape's hair from the shower drain." The room fell silent for a moment before Arthur awkwardly spoke up, "You know, I'll love you boys regardless..." He was interrupted before he could finish. "We weren't using it for that purpose." "Well, not on ourselves anyway." "We were dosing the two with each other's hair." "Ginny had us brew up a batch and we massively overdid it, so we decided not to let the extra go to waste." Arthur and Molly both let out a relieved sigh, while everyone else started snickering. They didn't bother telling the two it was wrong to dose a student and teacher, as they had met both of them before. "That explains why the two of them were avoiding looking at each other through the farewell feast." Hermione muttered, trying to keep from laughing." - EW! at the frightful mental pic those paragraphs made.

"Luna began to pale as something horrible occurred to her. "You don't happen to have any extra potion, do you? I think Harry needs to relax a bit more and he's unlikely to get any considering the dreams he's been having and I'm afraid your addition actually made things worse." She finished apologetically to Ginny. "What?" Ginny blurted out shocked that Luna would suggest such a thing, "How can you say that?" "We had a talk on the train about his nightmares..." Luna began. "He talked to you about his nightmares, but he doesn't even like to discuss them with me!" Hermione broke in, wondering why one of her best friends would turn to a girl he wasn't as close to for emotional support. "Because we have similar nightmares. We both still wake up, gasping for air, remembering out mothers dying right in front of us and being unable to do anything about it." Luna explained sadly." - That is a desperately sad thing to have in common.

"I need to see Harry and unlike Harry I am allowed to use magic outside of school. It's one of the benefits of being a pureblood." She lied glibly. "So you can either let me see him or I can start brightening up your yard with a few quick spells. For instance I really think the roses would look better if they were a softly glowing blue and that hedge would really stand out if I made it produce pineapples and pears." - I LOVED this paragraph. It is just so Luna.

"Luna short-circuited him by tossing him a small bag. "It's gold. Not magic at all, just gold. Melt it down before you sell it and there'll be no connection to anything freakish at all. Money talk, bullshit walks." Vernon's color returned to normal and he began to grin, as he looked in the bag and saw what was in there." - I now feel SO dirty on Luna's behalf that she had to have had anything at all to do with those dreadful Dursleys.

I think this is the third or fourth time I read this story and it's just gets more awesome every time. I hope you update it someday!

This is very very silly. I like it. Please continue.

It's such a shame you havn't added more to this fine story for such a long time... snape and the veela/dementors had me laughing my ass off pratically him on the beach..

Lol... Naughty and funny.

Silly but quite enjoyable and garnered more than a few laughs. Keep up the great work.

OMG! Harry's mother was a Dementor! Kind of sucks that an asshole like Snape gets to play with that kind of hotness.

After reading that part with Bellatrix and the Pepper Up potion results, I can't help but think about what happened to Cindy in the first two parts of the Scary Movie series. Looks like Bella got the bukkake of all bukkakes.

Well Voldie, no one says you have to fight him. You could always make nice, and avoid it.

So Harry is introduced to Luna before the train ride to Hogwarts, gotcha.

Now that's my kind of Dementor.

You, now that I think about it, it would be funny if Voldemort told someone- not knowing that even some of his Death Eaters would do the BoyWhoLived if they had a chance. What if he told, say Bellatrix, and then she got to wondering if Potter was having sex dreams about his mother, was it possible that he had an attraction to older women that she could take advantage of once or twice.

*Harry suddenly realized he was a seer, because he could see a lot of pain in his future if he didn't answer Luna's question with the answer she wanted to hear. "Seven times and I tried to peak down your blouse twice." For once he was glad that his traitorous organ had a mind of its own as it began to respond to Luna's grip despite his own fear.

Luna released her hostage, after giving him a light squeeze and was suddenly the picture of a demure young maiden, as she blushed and looked away from him. "Oh, Harry, you say the sweetest things."*- Luna is the only girl I could see replying like that.

Considering that Harry and Hermione know who Luna is, this has to be post fifth year. If that's the case, it would be foolish of me not to mention, that Harry should already know what Occlumency is, considering he'd been having lessons with Snape.

Poor Xeno, he probably didn't even realize he was being set up.

I share a similar view on sanity, but I can't seem to get mine to leave me alone.

Well, that's one way to keep Voldemort out of your mind without Occlumency.

Keep updating? I love your little theories!

You've somehow, in between the rampant humor, managed to explain why there are so many ridiculous fics, and why every time-travel attempt lands one at Hogwarts, regardless of their previous location.