Reviews for The Adventurous Soul

Arael Lassie 2008-05-09 ch 1,	abuseI think you've got a good start here. I can tell that William's a dutiful, brave young man, and it looks like there's going to be a good mix of adventure and drama (his relationships with parents, king, sweetheart, etc.). A few notes, though: Grammar/punctuation -- You've got some errors in comma usage, sentence structure and flow, etc. It wasn't to the point that I couldn't understand your meaning, but it can be rather distracting. I'm sure a beta reader with good editing skills could fix this for you quite easily. Description -- It was a little unclear at times what was going on. A quick description (just a few sentences) of the town, the fort, the house, or any of the other settings would go a long way in helping the reader get inside your story. Flow -- It was a bit jumpy in places. If you gave us more of an idea of your characters' body language, tones of voice, etc, and if they explained themselves and their motivations a bit more, it would add depth. Just a few polishing notes... as I said, I think you've got a great premise, and with a bit of revision it could really be very good. :)
floppyearsthebunny 2008-05-06 ch 1,	abuseDefinitely very cool! Perhaps a little more outside description, but still very cool. Poor Willhelm? a spy? what will happen to him?
manwathiel stormbuddy 2008-04-10 ch 1, anon.	abuseVery good!! I liked it lots!