Awesome story! I've never seen another story like this one! It was so ironic when Peter's biological grandfather didn't think that he could handle his inheritance. He was High King of Narnia for years, it was just so funny! You should definitely keep working on this story, it's really good!

NEVER, if you can help it, make them be rich heirs or have rich relations that somehow die out of the story.
That idea is MUCH too used.
You need to work on your punctuation and spelling.
Again, otherwise, it's good!

You need to be sure of the actual facts. I know it's time-consuming, but it's also important.
Also, I noticed that your comas ran together with the next word.
Even if you are in a hurry, you ought to correct these mistakes.
Spelling is also important.
If you do not spell correctly, it shows carelessness, even the mark of a bad writer.
But otherwise, the story is VERY good.
Keep the good work up!

I'm trying to read this, I really am. But there are too many gaps and it is starting to not make sense. Here's and example:

"Mum,I need to ask you a question" Peter said coming into the living room

looked up from the socks she was darning,"What's wrong" she asked

It is becoming too much. Chapter 8 is worse. I'm sorry.

Well, I've given up reading this story. I think it's a very good idea, but badly fleshed out. And I'm sorry, I just can't read fiction that hasn't been properly edited. You may want to keep in mind that there are quite a few people out there who prefer spaces to come before and after commas, and punctuation to be in the right place, or to be present at all.

Sorry if this review makes you angry, but I think you have a lot of potential as a writer if you tried harder. Your emotional development of the characters isn't bad, and as I said, the story idea is a good one (I've never seen it done before). But you have a ways to go yet. Do keep writing, but make sure to get a beta reader, especially one who understands punctuation, if you don't.

Cheers,
Eloin

That is a rather abrupt and emotionless way of telling your oldest son he's not yours...
The story had me caught until now, but this chapter is a bit... weird.

Also, you might like to check the formatting, I'm pretty certain a lot of words are missing, and the commas and spaces are screwed up. Do you have a beta? Have someone read it through before posting.

I'll keep reading, but the abruptness of Peter's discovery is off-putting to me. It's a grea idea, but could have been put into practice so much better.

Cool!! I think you are goin to write a second one... but I am not sure. Great story! THAT WAS AWESOME!!

Nice story! Update soon.
L

So is there going to be a sequel to this? Thanks for posting.
hpswst101

Oh, a lovely open ending. Lot's of times I hate it when a story is over and still has loose ends but every once in a while I read a story in which the loose ends make it great. and this is one of them. This was wonderful end to the fic, I really liked it.

Hopefuly Peter will inheret this stuff and he can still visit his actual parents(birth mom and dad) and I hope that things will get better soon!

Update soon? Please?
L

Great chapter! I think it's the best one yet.
I think the grandfather is horrible. But his actually father is nice! (I sort of expected him to be mean, this is a good surprise)
Please update soon.

What the next chapter is the last one! That's too soon! Or are you going to make a sequel? Update soon.
hpswst101

Very interesting. Can't wait to see what happens next. (Sorry I didn't review sooner, I had a bible meeting I had to go to and didn't have time to read this chapter before I left)
Great chapter.