Now Im in chipmunk mode. I hve this chipmunk voice that makes me sound like gag Fred gag but I call it my chipmunk voice. Since Im a girl with a high voice I can hit all of the notes without hurting my throat. My scream is higher than the chipettes voces. Why does Alvin think Suze is a witch?
So, I am writing this by candlelight, praying my parents won't see me writing this illegal letter to you. You see, its a school night, and it's after ten over here.
I thought this chapter was ok. Nothing to complain about (It was well written, and didn't bore me), but not much to praise either (Next to nothing happened). A decent chapter all around, but was the defination of filler. Nothing more I can say.
I must ask though, is it weird getting reviews for a story you wrote such a long time ago, and forgot about most of what I'm talking about? It must be, but I have to assume you want me to keep going.
I've been hard at work on rewriting parts of Alvin and the Chipmunks II's re-release. I hope that I'll start to get some excitement for A&tC I going again, and hopefully get some new faces onboard for my story.
I hope to hear from you soon, and I pray that my out of context reviews aren't TOO too confusing.
Cya!
hallhomestead
PS. Are you going to start writing a new story soon? I guess that this lull between stories is a good thing for me to catch up, but I was just wondering...
THIS was a good chapter, and I thought it was one of your funniest I've ever read. You remember how I said I was a hard guy to make laugh? Yeah, well I cracked up more times in this chapter then I care to recount.
The lines,
"What can I say?" Dani said, smiling down at him. "He is an evil mastermind." Alvin blushed."
and
""Write our names down," Alvin said. "I don't want to get confused."
Simon opened his mouth to say something about that, but he held his tongue when he saw the look Dani gave him."
as well as
(when Theodore is showing them where the mircophone is) ""Over there." Theodore pointed at the book.
"Theodore, I don't know how to break this to you," Simon said, "But that's a book.""
were all quite funny to me.
Seriously, this was a great chapter, even if it was just mostly filler.
Anyway, I would also like to take this oppertuniy to tell you that (I think) I am offically out of my rut. I just published my short "The Present" and, although the first chapter stinks (I should have gone with your idea, darn it!) the second chapter reminded me of how I wrote during writing A&tC II.
I think I am out of this stupid rut now, but tell me what you think after you read my story.
Okay, I think that's it. I'm off to bed (its midnight over here)
I think that the part with the Chipmunks singing to the snake was cool, and the fact you explained how Simon first came to like learning, but to be honest, this chapter seemed pretty rushed. Both the scene at Dani's house and the memory seemed to move WAY too fast, and it took away from the story you were trying to weave.
The fact you rushed was made all the more evident by the many spelling mistakes. I usually would be more subtle about critizing you, but I find that reading critical reviews is less painful if you didn't recently read the story.
Anyway, you'll probably see I only reviewed one more chapter after this (I wasn't planning on reading your story at all today, because I wanted to finish my short, but my guilty conscience got the best of me). Hopefully more to come tomorrow.
So, the Chipmunks are going to do a couple concerts to relalate against Even Gates and his daughter. Well than, this could get ugly. Good chapter by the way. A lot of talking, but that's ok.
So, apparently Suzie IS a bad guy. Ok. Wonder what kind of small talk she and Dani had while in the pool? It was probably a very akward scene.
Anyway, good chapter. With Ted Waters back onboard, things should start to get good. I can't tell you how much I look forward to catching up with things with your story, so I can give you reviews to stories and chapter you actually can remember! Are you done with Bad Luck Days? Cause I don't see at the top of the stories page...Oh well.
You know, when I'm writing this, you're probably just waking up...it's so weird being in different time zones. You update your story at 10 O'clock at night, and I've probably been alseep for 4 hours. Very weird.
Anyway, nearly done re-reading my story, I'll post an annoncment soon about what I'm writing next.
So, Suzie is Even Gate's daughter, and she was spying on the Chipmunks with mircophones so they could sell a CD together and makes millions. Hm...interesting.
So...what will happen next? Will Dani flip on Suzie and demand she leave the house? Will the Chipmunks be able to continue living normal lifes? Will I continue to ask myself questions?
Well, looks like I'll to wait until tomorrow for the answers to those questions, because I'm off to read my own story, but let me tell you, this is getting juicy!
That was a good chapter. The skit about the birthdays was funny, and Alvin's fear of spiders? Very revealing...
You know, I've always found it quite annoying that it can take me over 2 hours to finish a 30 word chapter, but it'll take a reader just five to ten minutes to read it all in one sitting. It just doesn't seem at all fair...
Oh well, we do what we can with what we're given. Great chapter.
I, for some reason, screamed and jumped under my bed when you mentioned Bar-...ahem...that big purple dinosaur. Must be something about repressed memories or something...
Anyway, that part was hystarical. I laughed out loud when Dani uncovered Simon, and I usually don't do that when reading fanfics. Congrats on that.
Honestly, one of the best chapters so far, really good job.
Character develpment is always good, as well as scenes of the character just hanging out and not doing anything important.
You've probably read the Harry Potter books right? Well, to be honest, my favorite parts of the books always were when the trio weren't doing anything dangerous or stupid, they were just hanging out in this great big magical castle that is Hogwarts (probably why I hated the last book and loved the first four...)
Anyway, what I meant is that these kind of chapters are what make a story, not the action. In my Alvin and the Chipmunks 2, all of the story is based around these three talking chipmunks that share this house together, and their personalities bouncing off each other. Nothing more, Nothing less.
Sure I advanced the plot with the Chipettes and the ugly man so it wouldn't get boring, but my main focus was on how these guys lived, and that is what, I think, attracted people to my story.
That is the same style you write in, and that is what attracts people to your stories.
My ninth grade English teacher always said that a good story is 50% action, 50% discription. I'm more into the description part, but the action is nessisary to keep people coming. This style of writing isn't for everyone, but it is what first attracted me to your story, so it serves you and I grandly.
In other words, good chapter.
Alright, that's it. I'll post the second half to my short tomorrow, and then start reviewing again.
So, I had a little rusty from the months apart from this whole reviewing thing, but I think I got it now.
I think it's neat to see that you have the boy's learning how to play instruments, and probably setting them up for the whole big band thing here. All in all, good chapter.
To be perfectly honest with you, I don't remember the entire plot and sub-plots of RCMCC, and although I want to re-read, I REALLY want to get to writing again, and that requires me to re-read my whole story again to get where I was, and where to go from there. So now I'm reading your story, my story, writing one-shots to get back into gear, watching old A&tC videos and the new movie to get a feel for my characters, AND trying to spend at least two hours per day this vacation realaxing.
Oh and keeping my sanity too. Sanity is definitely good.
I review another chapter today, then I'll be finished for a bit so I can re-read a chapter or two from Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 before hitting the hay.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that this chapter was great, shaping up to be a great story.
Cya!
hallhomestead
theodorerocks10101 11/22/08 . chapter 5
it was okay, but you used to many lines from alvin and the chipmunks meet the wolfman.
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