I really liked this story and, of course, I'm a sucker for happy endings. It was just nice to see a story that wasn't necessarily the same old, cliched love.

aw! yay! happy ending! :))
lol. great story! loved it! <3

The whole plot in general made the story a bit shaky, but it was still enjoyable. Mixed feelings about how Kakashi and Iruka handled everything; they were a bit off for my preference but fit the story nicely. Ending seemed kinda abrupt too, but that also kinda fits with everything. I'll give it a thumbs up.

I loved every moment of this tantalizing story. I'll never forget it and I can't wait to see what else you can deal out to us fans. I adored UNDEFINED. I can't explain to you just how much it touched me.

Sincerely,

XXsewnlipsXX

Aww i liked this fic...it was like a roller coaster...i loved it great job! oh and i also loved the fact that u didnt make Iruka fall in love with Kakashi like right in the beginning made it seem more real XD

please tell me where this is from!

"When I say that I am gray, you think that I mean dull, but I am the gray of stormclouds, of mysterious stone monoliths, of emotions yet undefined."

The ending of this was so sweet. There are too few fics with Kakashi being the one in love with Iruka first. Really. This makes things better ^.^

Great job. I'll go read something else of yours now xD

~Star

I have read many love stories, and written more than my share, but this one struck painfully true. It's obvious to me that you've experienced real love before, the kind where your soul simply hands itself over to another whether you want it to or not. The kind that delivers true bliss and true despair, simultaneously. The kind that should be in Romances, but isn't because of the pain involved in telling such a truth -- for both the writer and the reader. Thank you for this little slice of truth.

Okay, now for the critique. While your story is perfection, there is one technical aspect that need a bit of polish.

You shouldn't put two characters acting in the same paragraph for the same reason that you don't put two characters' dialogue in the same paragraph.

Example:
“No,” panted Iruka, and Kakashi pulled back, looking at him quizzically. The expression on Iruka’s face was an exquisite blend of bliss and agony.

Each character should have Their Own paragraph of actions and dialogue.

Also, don't cut off the dialogue from the character's actions.

Example:
He had never actually believed Iruka would touch him this way. “It this a gift?” he asked Iruka suddenly, and Iruka leaned back a bit, his eyes sliding slowly up to meet Kakashi’s.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. He stilled, one hand resting on Kakashi’s chest where it had been playing idly with a nipple, his other hand resting on Kakashi’s erection. “If I say ‘yes’ what will you do?”

Adjusted:
Kakashi had never actually believed Iruka would touch him this way. “It this a gift?” he asked Iruka suddenly.

Iruka leaned back a bit, his eyes sliding slowly up to meet Kakashi’s. “I don’t know,” he admitted. He stilled, one hand resting on Kakashi’s chest where it had been playing idly with a nipple, his other hand resting on Kakashi’s erection. “If I say ‘yes’ what will you do?”

By putting Iruka's dialogue and actions in Kakashi's paragraph, it actually took a moment for me to realize that Kakashi WASN'T doing or saying those things, Iruka was.

If you want to know WHY you shouldn't do that, contact me: ookamkasumi (at) gmail .com or friend me on LJ, ookami-kasumi (dot) livejournal (dot) com. I have whole writing articles posted there that explain everything in detail.

How do I know these things? I'm a multi-published author and you show too much promise to allow your writing to be anything but the very best, even if it is only fan-fiction.

oh thank god it ended well! *cries* (no, seriously, i'm teary eyed right now. damn you!) amazing, beyond amazing. so amazing i want to just go back and read it from beginning to end again. and i don't do that ever. so be honored! i skipped sleep for you! now i'm going to be shot-out at work tomorrow. but it was so worth it. ^.~

**, this is the most unhealthy relationship ever. and i want it to work so desperately! but how can it?

and it's so well written! the dialogue is amazing! blown away! i'm completely blown away!

** me, i'm a fanfic-emotional masochist! and oh how i love it. especially the horribly sad parts.

first the "no, i'm not." then the "he pets me like i pet my dogs." omg, you're trying to make me cry! (and succeeding...) damn, i'm beyond hooked. i have work in 3 hours, haven't slept in 23 hours and instead of going to bed, i'm reading this. damn.

"please, please just let me pretend you love me." sory, that just flashed into my head upon reading the last line from kakashi. oh lord, i am so hooked.

great last line. LOVED to death the convo between gai and kakashi. very nicely done.

oh oh oh, kakashi could be utterly destroyed by iruka! oh what terrible power... ah! i'm totally invested emotionally now! damn...