Reviews for Altair's Fortune

Reviews For: Altair's Fortune

Gaignun Girl 2008-04-19 ch 5,	abuseNice, nice. update again. =]
xXxSilentxXxAssassinxXx 2008-04-18 ch 4,	abuseOMG! This story is great! I love it! Hehe what a tease! Great work! -xSilentxAssassinx
Escorregadia 2008-04-18 ch 4,	abuseCrete? Altair must've been REALLY drugged up to not know he'd been transported to the middle of the freaking Mediterranean! LOL! We finally know her name!! It's pretty too - Ashera. What's this Talveresh thing? O.o I guess I'll find out next chapter. Awaiting! - Ezz
ALPHAScrubs 2008-04-12 ch 3,	abuseKinda interesting a seductive way to get some information. Gives some ideas for how my story should go. you know like character building as so forth. so far atair is still in this dungeon holding down her screaming with his lips on hers. IM sitting here thinking how he gonna get out let alone keep her quite. from reading this darn girls desperate. Yes I like the story plot so far. looks like atair has someplace to go. OUt. thats my random thoughts love :P
Melodia.Da.Noite 2008-04-11 ch 3,	abuseHey good story, really. Please don't take long to update! ^_^
Gaignun Girl 2008-04-10 ch 3,	abuseNice, Nice! Update again! XD
Escorregadia 2008-04-10 ch 3,	abuse~wolf whistles~ Well, well, well. If someone were to walk into that silver-haired girls room at that moment, wouldn't they be surprised. Honestly I don't know why she'd complain that he's...where he is...>_> Ahem anyway... The dislocating of the thumb was done very nicely ^_^ I liked it anyway. What are the odds of having to run into HER room? (Very high apparently) I wonder how Altair's going to get out of this one. Awaiting your next update! - Ezz
Escorregadia 2008-04-08 ch 2,	abuseOkay, well the ending of the first chapter nearly made me fall off my chair - that was so unexpected, but I suppose that was the whole point :P It distracted Altair enough to be caught anyway... Chloe and the unnamed girl scare the bejesus out of me; I don't know just how dangerous or powerful they actually are yet. I feel bad for poor Alty, he's in the dark as much as we are. I have an idea if Alty was to escape from the manacle-thingies - he could dislocate his thumbs, pull his hands through then relocate them. It doesn't hurt THAT much, I've done it myself once (completely by accident, but I know it works). Maybe the unnamed girl could do something particularly naughty to get some information out of him, (if you know what I mean) or perhaps try to anyway >_> It sounds pretty sadistic though, but she seems the type (I think) Anyway, I like this fic so far, and I am eagerly awaiting your next update ^_^ - Ezz
misikoblossom 2008-04-08 ch 2,	abuseNow, don't take me too harshly, but I will give some honest criticism here. I won't elaborate too much, but though your descriptions are wonderfully done, sometimes they seem a little contrived. Altair seems to be a little OCC, and I'm predicting that he'll "fall in love" with one of the main girls, etc. And that brings me to my third point: the girls, judging by their descriptions, appear to be little too MarySue-ish for my taste. Floor-length silver hair? Wah? but I suppose that since it's your fic, it's your liberty to create characters - which is fine, but hopefully she doesn't turn out to be "perfect". Do watch those grammar errors as well ("it's" = it is, "its" is different)...they're slightly distracting and sorta break the flow. Your fic is pretty well done for a first-timer, though, so remember that my critique is meant to help, not hurt. :) That being said, I'm really hoping that your fic doesn't get to predictable: I'm guessing and Chloe and the others girls will seduce Altair, they'll fall in love, etc...? and that he'll turn against his Brotherhood for the sake of some beautiful woman? Altair's actions and dialogue seem off, IMO...but again, tis your liberty. I DID like your first chapter, however, although the second chapter definitely turned flat.. hopefully somehow the third can mend this. I look forward to your next chapter..!
Gaignun Girl 2008-04-08 ch 2,	abusescratch what I said alright. Its gettin good. Again do update. ^.^
Aeron20 2008-04-08 ch 1,	abusethe end of this chapter is great. i really thought what the hell is going on?!! evil but good idea! XD i hope hes not dead. so go on and update soon... please!;)
llPashll 2008-04-07 ch 1,	abuseI like it so far. :) lol My jaw dropped, too! Was it for catching him off gaurd or 'other purposes'?! XP Oh, from reviewing's POV(!): It will look nicer if you change the summary to something more catchy.Don't mention it's your first time.It just makes some people think it's poorly written. You write good by the look of it. :) huggle Pash xx
Gaignun Girl 2008-04-07 ch 1,	abuselol. the end was funny. The story alright,but do update. =]

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