Reviews for One Minute You're on Earth

Reviews For: One Minute You're on Earth - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

GinnyStar 2008-06-24 ch 4,	abuseBenden Wyer. That good. With an non-Pass if his rider hand any abilty he could help wyer harper out. Good story keep it up.
GinnyStar 2008-06-24 ch 3,	abuseKeeping that idea during an Non-Pass time is good.
GinnyStar 2008-06-24 ch 2,	abuseDragon don't have scales they have hide. Out side of that what a way to enter Pern. :) Very good color with the blue.
GinnyStar 2008-06-24 ch 1,	abuseOne way to get to Pern. AU keep on going
Nargus 2008-05-04 ch 4,	abuselol. Funny little series and interesting too. I'm eager to see what life he lead still :D
queendragonfire 2008-05-03 ch 4,	abusefantastic story. i love how you have the dragons point of view instead of just the humans. cant wait to hear/read more. :D
SunnyGoesNorth 2008-04-27 ch 4,	abuseHI i am really enjoying your story more more more pwease? pretty please, btw i think dragons would make great harpers LOL so CUTE
OnyxDrake 2008-04-26 ch 4,	abuseK'rry's contractions seem a bit odd. It's more usual to make contractions between two words rather. The brown who joins them at the oil pot, is he a clutchmate or an adult dragon? It's not entirely clear from your narrative. Judging by the amount of time that the dragonets would have spent together by now, they'd all be familiar with each other without having to formally introduce themselves. I doubt greens would "giggle", perhaps at this age they still creel a bit or squeak but I'd look for alternative sounds. I do enjoy where this is going, even if it is not strictly speaking canon.
OnyxDrake 2008-04-26 ch 3,	abuseWords such as "practically" when used in the context of "the dragonet practically galloped" don't actually make sense. He either gallops or he doesn't. Try to avoid using "basically", "practically" and another of my favourites that I often pick out: "basically". It's fine in dialogue as that is how people speak but in narrative, no. Pray tell, I haven't encountered "Easter" green before and a "teacup" muzzle? These are all Earth references, unless this is something of Grahamth's past coming to the fore in the way that he describes what he sees. If this is the case, you've got potential for some confusion between him and his rider, precisely with what you've done with the reference to coffee. I'm a bit leery, at this point, with so many dragon names sounding like existing English words, such as Wraith, Bath and Myth. Watch out for repeating the word "wispy" in the dragon's memory. I'd leave out the first instance of the word as the analogy is more correct seen in context with hair. I like the way you are treating the story and there's a touch of poignancy in the memories. So many stories such as this that I've read have just been self-indulgent.
OnyxDrake 2008-04-26 ch 2,	abusetypo: Weyrlingmaster, not wyerlingmaster It's not necessary to add additional os to "so". Rather italicise to accent a word. From what I understand there would not be so much size difference between hatchlings at this point except for perhaps the queen dragonet and the others. Remember, the other eggs are all pretty much the same size on the hatching grounds. The differences in size would only start showing in the ensuing weeks as the bronzes and browns would begin to outstrip their peers. Your idea, although not new, is one of those archetypal stories, such as the girl who gets the queen but it will be interesting to see how you treat it.
OnyxDrake 2008-04-26 ch 1,	abuseCouldn't resist the nit-picks, it's the editor in me: You wrote: Sal, who's... Should read "whose". What you've got there is a contraction for "who is". You wrote: Kingsley, felling a bit... I think you meant "feeling". Overall, your writing style is very present and you've got a good balance between natural-sounding dialogue and narrative. I'll be keeping an eye out for you.
Brownriderco 2008-04-25 ch 4,	abuseVery interesting. Technically a dragon can't be a harper. But maybe a dragon-harper or would that be a harper-dragon? He would need a human to relay for those who are dragon deaf, but his rider could fulfill that function. All in all a good story. Looking forward to more.
Felix the Eeveetrainer 2008-04-25 ch 4,	abusePoor blues. They have nothing special, do they. Harper dragons! Now that is an idea. ~General Everin Stormclaw, Dragon Prince, out.
SilverAurora 2008-04-19 ch 3,	abuseAww, sweet! The thing about coffee made me laugh, lols. Love the idea. And I quite agree, what is it that blues are supposed to do? Grahamth sounds cute, although the name is a bit of a mouthful. Suits him though. I like the concept of having different shades within the colour boundaries, never thought of that. Anyway, all that leaves is for me to say UPDATE, and also beg for slightly longer chapters, maybe? Much love, SilverAurora
Azurath DragonTongue 2008-04-16 ch 3,	abuseInteresting story, I would like to see more. -Keep up the good work!

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