this story is very interesting...and I've read some with hibari kyouya going abit angst but this is probably my favorite one of them all...not that the others weren't good...but your seems to have enough words to impact the reader as most of the other ones are usually short than yours!

you have a really nice writing style and you should continue!

I should review huh? :o
Your writing style is hard to read and understand in this story for some people, but it's truly beautiful to me. I like how you used a lot of metaphors to make a point and express exactly what Hibari's predicament is like, how he feels about things, and everything else. Your similies are also well placed, and your word choice is a joy to experience.
Poetic flair always draws me into a story and makes it very interesting to read. You can gain a new perspective, unlike what you normally get with flat writing. Great job on drawing out his character, and speculating on what he hides from the world.

Sometimes, it might seem like you are repeating your words in slightly different ways.

From the very first sentence I was drawn to Hibari Kyoya's pace--the author's pace, but I'm sure you (the author) would want it to be the former's pace. In any case, I was swept away into his dark yet hopeful world.

I like this analysis of Hibari. I enjoy reading about him in general because, like you mentioned, he is an enigma whom I'm not sure even the original author really knows (which sounds silly but that's my opinion). Do you know I'm pleased to find out that other writers also research and hunt information about the characters? Well, now you do. ^^ Knowing that makes this in-depth fic all the more pausible.

This is an attempt at Hibari's character that deserves to be read. It's a little frustrating that most readers will skip over it just because it doesn't appeal to them in some way (I'm sure you know what I mean, from what I've read of your equally awesome stories). But at least you know how much one reader appreciates your effort to shine light on such an insane character. XD And this is a long review. Heh. Thanks for writing!