A great story. Very well written.

Loved it!

A couple lines didn't quite seem to fit Edward, but generally very very good.

I think that you truly captured Edward's frame of mind, and his sophisticated, gentelmanly ways in this story. Very good!

GREAT!

PLEASE FINISH "THERE WILL BE BLOOD." SOON!

This was awesome! I think your idea was probably spot on.

Great work!

Pam

Loved it and want more... should I beg?

I love it. Very powerful, very much Edward. I think you've captured that missed moment perfectly.

Brava!

You nailed the character of Edward PERFECTLY. This is perhaps the most accurate portrayal of his thoughts I've come across, right down to the most minute details. Even diction, syntax, cadences, quoting Shakespeare...you preserved his intelligence and integrity, yet managed to make his obsessive (and what has always seemed to me to be psychotic, creepy, and stalker-esque) love/need for Bella romantic. I feel as if I possess a more thorough and deeper understanding of their relationship now.

Thanks for giving me a glimpse into the mind of Edward the vampire : ) Loved it. Keep writing!

Im watching you.

Im Getting Suspicous.

Are you sure you're not Stephenie Meyer?

Maybe a clone?

awhh its so sad!

but i loved it! ]

I thought I would kill me to walk away. Instead it killed her.

aww, i love this line!

Oh my goodness, I love this! So tortured, and yet still trying to be humane...I just love Edward and you've captured his character very nicely with this piece!

I thought this was great. It is so probably something like what Edward was going through and thinking. He couldn't kill a human because it would be disrespectful to Bella's memory and go against everything the Cullen's stood for. Nice writing.

Hi there

Let me start with the good things first - and there are a lot of them.

First of all, the scene you chose: I thought it was a perfect time to look at Edward, I don't thing I've ever read a fic about this time. Good choice.

Your descriptions are lovely - "soft footfalls against the dew-damp cobblestones".

I like your reference to Demetri and Felix watching him, and the way he tries not to think Bella's name.

I also thought the ending was good, where you bring in the thought that it's St Marcus Day.

The bits I think you need to watch are your spellings, grammar and tenses. The first paragraph is in the past, but then you change to present. I also saw a few places where an extra comma might have been needed, and one or two spelling errors. (If you want a beta-reader, I'm willing to help out, if you'd like.)

I think this story is wonderfully written, and your writing shows great promise. I'll have to see if you've written any other stories for Twilight.

jasper4ever (aka dragon-girl on the Twilight Lex.)