Agh I just wrote a really long review and then it deleted it ;_;

Anyway I like this fic. The scheming of these original characters is intriguing, and Samus and Adam seem nice and incharacter and banter-y with each other (and Samus was appropriately stoic when meeting the less-than-polite strangers... good for her). I'm not sure I'm so happy about the first chapters hints that Samus wants love, but I'm sure you wouldn't mutilate her personality too badly... So I'll trust that this is not a sign of a weird plot-crucial romance to come. This Teras guy and his apparent snooping after Samus are curious - I wonder whether he knows about the X and the Metroids and such. Also I wonder who "the one with the black mane" is... But I guess I'll have to wait to find out.

Well, I shall see you :)

MN

very good start. this a plot of high potencial. I like your writing style, it's elegant and intriguing. you describe your characters well, however cliche their personalities might be, I'm still wanting to know more about them.

please update soon.

I’ve only read chapters one and two, because I have quite a bit to say about those alone. I may review chapter three at a later date.

I’ll give praise first off. I liked your choice of names for the space ships, etc. It gave a more realistic connection and a sophisticated tone. Delving into Samus’ feelings worked and gave that oh so important connection to your readers. The games hardly ever go into Samus as a character (Nintendo being ever the shallow ones), and her loneliness would only seem natural. One problem I noticed in chapter 2, however, is her seemingly uncharacteristic state of panic. All the yelling around paragraph eleven added suspense to a suspenseful moment, but it seemed over dramatic (especially the expletive, not that I mind cussing)

Adam’s formality has been bugging me. Typically, one wouldn’t address someone as “Lady” unless they’re speaking to royalty and it gives an overall stuffiness between two who are be best friends.

In chapter 2, paragraph 8, there was the sentence “Suddenly, in a spontaneous epiphany, Samus had an idea”. Its redundancy annoyed me. Using the word epiphany implies already that the notion was sudden and spontaneous, and an epiphany is also an idea. I really don’t like repetition, unless one uses it for emphasis. It’s not so prominent that you have to change it, those were just my thoughts.

Your imagery is good; could use some finer words here and there, but nothing’s awkward or too repetitive. One thing I didn’t like though was when you explained what some of the weapons and ships do in the middle of a galactic hold-up. It throws off your flow. I’m specifically noting paragraph 4 and 5 from chapter 2. When you pause in the middle of a tense moment to say “oh and by the way…” you break the suspense. It’s good you bothered to put in the description, but I think it could be better placed. Or you could try to keep the suspense flowing by using scary words that convey how much danger Samus was in. Just something to look out for next time.

Another little thing, you used the word ruckus somewhere in chapter 2… It seemed to contradict your tone. I’d choose a more serious word.

Overall, good suspense and action. A tip for the tense, action parts: shorter sentences. From my own reading experience it makes a difference. Don’t make all the sentences too short or it gets dry, just like action phrases when someone’s being hit or narrowly dodged a blow. Onomatopoeia works hand in hand with these little sentences, for that extra emphasis.

Good job, for the most part. Not the usual unappealing, lacking, fangirl stories one would normally find on this site. Keep it up.

- Smoo

Another great chapter, i`m really looking forward to what happens next. Update soon.

Amazing chapter, very suspenful. Update soon, great story!

Wow this is really good, update oon please!

This is really good. I like the characterization you created for Samus in the beginning of the first chapter; it's very fitting.

My only criticisms is that you dialog seems stiff and a bit forced.

Also, you should explain what happened to her Powersuit. Did she some how lose it in the crash, ala Zero Mission?

I noticed this story lacked reviews so here I am. Overall, it's interesting enough to hold my attention which is good. I had some criticism but I can't remember what it is right now because I'm half asleep. Have a nice day.