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| Linkanator55 2008-06-27 ch 3, anon. | abusePlz write more |
| Bob 2008-06-23 ch 1, anon. | abusemake more plz |
| Skyler Flux 2008-05-04 ch 3,  | abuseHehe, this is really funny. Please update. |
| wsarnecki 2008-04-23 ch 3, anon. | abuseFunny. This is good; can't wait for the rest of the chapters. |
| Mario 2008-04-23 ch 3, anon. | abuseOoh this is really good! It's really funny too. Please update. |
| Avengingmyinnocence 2008-04-23 ch 2, | abuseThis is hilarious, but I know guys, and they do undress their friends when they're unconscious. Have you never been to a Kegger? OMG! (Makes drunk Nora Face!) |
| Tinner1212 2008-04-21 ch 2, | abuseLol. This is at least funny. You cover a good bit of plot, but the writing style isn't really unique or particularly exciting. Maybe try a different style every few chaps until you find one that sounds good. That's what I think you should do. |
| hawkflyer667 2008-04-20 ch 1, | abusePURP-NO! i like it. lol. update! ~courtney |
| Toralover 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abuselove it |
| Tinner1212 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abuseNow, this is pretty funny. Don't get me wrong. But why does it take so much to get it through to people's heads to EDIT their work?!? Yours needs it even more than most people's. Also, the 'Flock Meets Fangirls' IS a bit of a cliche, and everyone expects them to be horrid, but this is reasonably good. Biggest advice is maybe to edit, and maybe introduce a little more plot in the first chapter. You say that Gazzy, Angel, and Nudge are at Dr. Martinez's house. Clarify: is this story RIGHT after Final Warning? Or a few months, after Max finishes the thing hinted at in the end of the 4th book? Maybe, since half the Flock is separated, say something about separation anxiety. Maybe Max trusts Dr. Martinez and Ella, even though she swore never to split up again, and it's just necessary because (insert later plot twist here). Also, you say that they're separated 'cause they're doing "Big Kid Stuff". I think you should explain what this stuff is, as hinted in the previous lines. You don't write domestic scenes very well. Everyone does this. But why would they leave a humongous mess everywhere if they knew their sister was coming? Again, please check your grammar. Doing so will keep you from ruining a perfectly good fanfic for no reason. There's some word-choice issues, "drinking THERE 7th milkshake of the day." You should stuff like that- makes it a better story. One more thing. While fangirldom is funny, you kinda went overboard with the all caps, "OMG WE READ ALL YOUR BOOKS!! AND WE READ FANG'S BLOG! IS THAT YOU FNICK! OMGZ!" Just saying. At any rate, this is actually decent. Certainly not the best of the best, but decent. 5/10. -Tinman BTW: can't wait to read the next chap. |