You are an excellent storyteller, with wonderful pacing, and a great sense of revelation. The characters are interesting, as well, and break from the mold of the common sort that can tend to appear in this genre. Excellent work. I can't wait to read more.

Argh. Drow. I hate drow. Even the good ones. Strike that, especially the good ones.

Part of me wants to feel bad for Ellie, but I really just can't. Though Caelen is obviously far from a gentleman I can't help but sympathize with him more than I do with Ellie. Lying and saying that she loved him, planning to string him along until pay day and then run off, it just doesn't sit right with me. On top of that I have a sinking suspicion as to where this story is going and my pathological hatred of the drow has kicked in and led me to side even more with Caelen.

On a more nit-picky (and perhaps a bit pretentious) note, about midway through the chapter I noticed this: "it wouldn't be the first time she had done so, and there was no doubt in her mind that it would be the last." Did you perhaps mean "it wouldn't be the last"?

Sorry if I sound a bit negative, I really do like the story it's just that I wold feel terrible if all I could give you was a "Nice story, update soon please" yes-man style review. So, now that I have all the haterade out of my system: I love both this story and WDR, please update soon!

Once again, I really like the characters you've created and like everybody else, I'm really curious how the drow will turn out.
I really can't say much else at this point except that I hope you get some free time soon, so that you can continue with your good work!

x

Great chapter.

The sex scene was fairly graphic, but it needed to be that way, or the subsequent conversation between Ellie and the drow would not have the impact it did. This is what I refered to earlier- the adult content here is not gratitous. It serves a purpose.

My only suggestion is based on an obscure, tiny little line on page 18 of the 3.5 Players Handbook.

"To humans, half-elves look like elves. To elves, they look like humans- indeed, elves call them half-humans."

Other than my story, I don't know of anyone who uses this convention, but it seems second nature. To me, I always thought it odd that elves would call half-elves (which to them, don't look very elven) "half-elves." In the "real world," we human beings have always labeled others according to how they differ from us, not how they resemble us.

I'm being incredibly nit-picky here, I know. Honestly, I can't find anything wrong in this chapter.

Waiting for more!

I'll pretty much go with what Kar wrote in his reviews. A bit of odd language used(I think you meant to say "it wouldn't be the last" instead of "would be the last" in two places), but nothing overyl bad as far as the technical end itself goes.
What is my greatest fear in this story? That I'm looking at some Jarlaxle wannabe who just happens to be a "nice" drow(because at this point, they're everywhere). Faerun must be overrun by drow, especially the chaotic good rebel type, and I hope that a good story won't be eclipsed by... God, please don't let it be another Drizzt clone. Please let him be as evil as he's supposed to be...

Another spectacular chapter!

Solid dialogue and further good characterization (you even make that hoariest of cliches, the drow, an interesting character by underplaying him). Loved the bit where he gets Caelan's ire up.

You're taking your time here, building the story like you'd erect a building- from the ground up.

That being said, two small quibbles.

*Upon reflection later, what probably disturbed her the most wasn't the way the drow had managed to move from the corner to the bench with out once rattling his chains; there hadn't even been a hint of a soft chink of metal against metal in the scant few moments she had given him before glancing back into the room, lending weight to the rumour that the dark elves themselves were creatures solely comprised of shadow rather than flesh and blood, but rather the way he calmly watched her as she peered back into the room for a mere moment, deliberately catching her eye and holding it for a moment before she pulled back and settled herself, her heart all of a sudden quickening in her chest, upon the floor outside the door.*

You realize this entire paragraph is ONE SENTANCE? Holy run-on sentances, Mistress! Switch to decaf!

And the second.

*Murder... theft... rape... what else? Political reasons?*

Help... strangling... in incorrect... ellipse... usage...

The dictionary defines ELLIPSE as: The omission of a word or words necessary to complete a sentance or expression.

They are not, repeat NOT used to indicate a pause in dialogue or a trailing off of the voice. Never, ever, ever!

Yes, even yours truly is an ellipse-addict, but I am attempting to cut down. It's tough, I know. Those ellipses draw you to them seductively. Still, you've already got the solution.

*Okay – if not for political reasons...why else would someone pay for a bounty – and a handsome bounty at that – for a one eyed drow male?*

The trusty dash- your best friend!

All for now. Cheers.

Kar

You know already that I love your story.
Keep up the good work!
With ALL your stories, if possible... ;-)

Okay . . . now I am curious about what really happened to draw the nobleman's ire with the drow. That and I am wondering about how he/ why he is on the surface.

I know . . . all in due time, lol.

I am also curious as to how Ellie is going to get out of her little 'situation' with Caelan, hm.

Sounds like an old radio show or old soap opera . . .
Will Caelan discover Ellie doesn't love him?
Will we learn the mystery man's name?
Did he kill someone?
Will Bran stop puking?
Will Bear given him a banana to offset his depleted potassium or just pitch him overboard? lol

As ever, enjoying the tale you are weaving,

CR

Hello!! My Name is Bien Canonizado,I'm a visually-disabled (blind) graduate student from the Philippines. Just dropped by to express my admiration for your
writing-style... You are possibly one of the most skilled web-based authors that I have encountered in my time as a fanatic of fantasy/science fiction.
You should really try to finish your stories,specially this particular one that I am reviewing right now.
I am re-posting this review cause my old post was erased when some one hacked my old account.
You know,your writing means very much to me,recently
I just lost my sense of sight;and quite honestly it has been so hard adjusting to a life without being able to pick-up another printed book. Currently,I
depend on my computer to read stories to me on-line,this is with the help of a screen-reading program. And let me tell you,ever since I discovered fan-fiction
I couldn't stop reading your great stories! Please understand,your stories give me the strength to continue... (I'll not dwell on that fact too much.)
I believe your talents are a God-given gift so that you may bring happiness to those who value this particular genre.
So, Please, Please, Please, Please... Do not give up on this story...
Update faster!
My only wish is if you could make your chapters longer,I think the reader would have an easier time if the story were written in a few long chapters,rather than several short parts.
At least each chapter should be 3,0 words long for better continuity.
Easier for us to follow if we did not have to back-track so often because of short chapters. I hope that you will one day decide
to once-again write. Please don't give up...
I hope that you will reply,because it was very hard for me to write this review since I am hoping that you will notice this short letter out of all the others that you get.
Please do not think that I am just spammer,cause I am serious when I make this request.
If you wish to reply,please kindly send your comments to my e-mail
It is written below with spaces and with the symbols spelled-out to avoid spammers. .ph.>
(Bienvenido S. Canonizado)
Phone number:+63917-433-8194
Electronic mail:f e n r i s (at) p a c i f i c (dot) n e t(dot) p h
"There are more things in heaven and earth Horatio,then are dreamt of in your Philosophy..."

Standard FR disclaimer: I hate the Forgettable Realms with a passion. While this will not affect my overal review, I won't attempt to assess any FR particulars.

THE GOOD: There's a lot of it. You are not only technically good interms of spelling and grammar, this story has excellent timing. You know exactly where to break your paragraphs for maiximum effect. Although to be fair, I'd expect no less from an English teacher :)

Even more impressively, you handle adult situations and scenes in a non-gratituous manner. Even the sexual dialogue is handed as I expect it would sound in such a world.

All the protagainists are introduced as people first, rather than as a collection of thinly-veiled stats. Everyone, even minor characters like the first mate, has a distinctive voice.

You also shine at detailing the surroundings, but no so much that's it overwhelming.

NEEDS WORK: Very little. I would say that modern profanity like "Shitty hells" has little place in a D&D story. It tends to break the suspension of disbelief.

My only other quibble is not an objective one, but drow are realy, really, REALLY overused. And if the prisoner turns out to be a "good" drow wrongfully accused, I will be forced to pitch my computer out the nearest window.

Maybe to be safe, I won't review subsequent chapters from an upper-story office.

OVERALL VERDICT: Strong Thumbs-up! We need more stories of this caliber here.

Happy Writing,

Kar

Wow, you really know how to write! I hope you keep going on this one, I'd love to read more! Your description is good, but your characters are what makes it - I already love your drow, and Ellie's really sympathetic.

I accidentally found your new story and I'm really glad that I did. :-)

Your description in the beginning is really enchanting and the whole story is promising.
I really want to read more Ely.

Okay, dare I say that if this is the result of of you loosing access to chapter 38 (was that the right one?), then I must say . . . loose them more often, (after backing them up of course:).

This one is very exciting . . . and of course it helps that the prisoner just happens to be drow . . .
Have I mentioned that I really like drow . . . ? Well, I do. And it is all the fault of writers like yourself! LOL.

You really grabbed my interest on this one, I can hardly wait for the next chapter.
Keep up the good work, cheers to your muses, one and all.

TylenolFaire aka CelticRose