That;s kinda depressing! But good.

Hey. I've been reading this story up to this chapter.
I just wanted to give a few comments about it, after all that is what a review is supposed to be for.
your ideas in this story are good but you execute them as well as they could be done. The plot of this story is good, but your writing could definitely improve. It is written in a way that lets you know what is happening, but not in a smooth, flowing way. When writing, the words are supposed to flow, so that it is pleasant to read. Also, try adding more detail about actions, etc. instead of just dialog. Your spelling could do with an improvement also, e.g. you wrote "she kissed me on the check" its supposed to be "she kissed me on the cheek"

Hopefully my comments will improve your writing for next time! Please don't be offended by it, it is meant only as helpful tips.

I LOVE this story.It is AMAZING.I can't wait to see what happens next.I hope she marries Mike.Please update soon.

I just finished chapter five.It is really good so far.

this kinda a weirdy take on the story.
But good writing style and all!
I'm not much of a Mike fan so it wasn't my fav. but it was well written XD
HWR

yay! i'm so gald she didn't say yes but that was cool they feel asleep together and she came in only with a towel! oh my lol
was he sitting there watching her get dressed? wat did he see?

aww how cute, they said the same things, and charlie's all happy

that wasn't really that kinky at all
but still good :D ahh young love lol
why was she really texting alice?

if they broke up why did you say their still together?
that was so funny when charlie said edwin and mike was like " I thought his name was Edward?"

what the! why still with jess?!
oh jake is so cute when he's protective, and he was in the hospital too!

wow why was jake coming to town?
so i'm gussing this is after newmoon, but you said it was all human then why did you write in the 1st ch "alice make sure he doesn't go to the voltura"?

around wat book is this happening? twilight?
well i thought jake would fight more but oh well thats good that he still wants to be friends

umm quick questin wouldn't edward hear bella call out mike in the night(ha that rhymed) when she had those dreams of him?
well sound itresting so far it always fun to read a story where bella is with someone else :D and i like mike but not as much as edward, jacob, or jasper..lol
so it broke charlies heart cuz he was rooting for jake all along?

ok, I'll read the other one I guess. (pouts and slowly gives in cuz Amber has her wrapped around her finger)

Luv Ya,
Ashy

Charlie is really cool about all of this, he must know something that I don't.

Luv Ya,
Ashy