Nice Story.
1sunfun

wow great writing and story line and I hope there will be more chapters to come. Its interesting that your using proper places in the time line and doing all that research just make the story all that better :)

This is one of the best stories i have read. I literally devoured the seven chapters so far, and have been repeatedly ( and i guess rather religiously) been coming back every few weeks to see if you had updated. 'what was to be done' indeed!

Please please dont give up this story. You have wrapped your words in old english so beautifully, it almost wants to make one wax lyrical oneself.

Great work, and Keep it up and here's to romance prevailing over Victorian propriety!

awesome story i would love to see you pick it up again and finish it

This story is so great! Too bad you have not finished it. Very disappointing. :(

The Colonel, oh that man, is so very genuinely delightful. He is thoughtful, kind, caring, and interested in the comfort of the children. There isn't another word, I really feel. He's delightful.

Charlotte is wonderful. I really am enjoying how the Colonel is learning this through every action he witnesses and moment he spends in her presence. I also need to say that I love this story as it is very much completely awesome.

I feel a little bit guilty; there haven't been many times when a character's death has made me anything other than utterly bereft. I am very much in favour of this development between the Colonel and Charlotte. I love that she is a whole character and a mother. Little bit of guilt but not much to be completely honest.

A lovely story, very well-told. I know it isn't finished, but thank you for writing and posting what you have. It was obviously a joy to you to write, as it is for us to read. Thank you!

Oh dear! I must be frank with you...I love this story and am so sad you did not continue it. It's interesting, I love the pair, and stays true to the age. Could you possibly reconsider and continue writing it? Please?

"No, Mummy, just the Captains!" - Too cute! And a three year old would try such a ploy to suit his purpose!

Arggghhhh! You've stopped writing this? For shame! I did so want to see the "unromantic" Charlotte to have it sneak upon her unaware. And for both Charlotte and Fitzwilliam to find some happiness.

You write quite well, and it would be a shame if you don't pursue it.

- Deandra

...the very devil was snapping at his heals. - "heels"

...that old dragon in the kitchen will just have to exceed to my demands! - "accede" rather than "exceed"

...He deserved to be striped of his rank - "stripped"

Not ghastly at all. Of course he would be rather appalled by his behavior, and thinking himself quite ungentlemanly to be so presumptuous. But I'm not sure that distance is going to help very much!

- Deandra

...he would be breakfasting with the children in William's room and remove the 'that' she was not to bestir herself before nine at the earliest. ? - not sure what you mean here. You put 'that' in the quotes but I'm not sure why...

...Charlotte edged closer and was all to aware - should be "too"

several other words have typos in them, but I didn't keep track

You add nice details to flesh out the story. Too many authors want to rush to the romance and leave out half the story along the way. I particularly like the little thoughts Fitzwilliam has about his siblings along the way in the previous chapters. It's also nice to see the children developed a bit. "Curhol" is a delightful childish version of Colonel.

And, oh, yes! It would be irritating to have the only coachbuilder share the name of your main character! Very inconvenient of the man!

- Deandra

...of her mother ,and it had become too much for her to bare. - need to fix comma and it should be "bear"

...toothless child of no more than nine years - a toothless 9 year old?

...Anne's eyes? grew even wider - remove the stray question mark

Very nice letter to Darcy. Some might think Fitzwilliam's attraction too quick, but they tend to view things from a modern perspective. Romance and marriage were often very quick in those days (witness Charlotte and Mr Collins for proof). And, after all, Fitzwilliam is unattached, and I don't think Charlotte ever truly loved her husband, so I cannot think her grief at his passing is quite so painful as for those who love.

I am curious as to whether you picture Charlotte and Fitzwilliam as seen in some movie version, or whether you pull them up from your own imagining after reading P&P. I always liked them as they were in the A&E version, though that Charlotte was not nearly so "plain" as Austen described her, in my opininon.

- Deandra

...He considered drawing the curtains, but the doctor would need light to dress her wounds. - I had thought this was in the evening, or at least a dark and stormy day. How much light would there be from outside at this point? It would seem more likely the Doctor would treat her by light of candles or lanterns.

...The doctor, having gathered all the information he needed for the meantime - I'm not sure "meantime" is the appropriate word here - probably better as "moment"

...Colonel Fitzwilliam summoned the landlord and enquired when the next mail coach was due. - again, the element of time: this seems like the mail carriage is arriving in the middle of the night in the rain, which would seem unlikely (though, again, I am not expert). You want to be careful of what time things are happening to make sure you stay on track with details like that. [I once had a lit fire in the fireplace until I realized it was midday in July and likely far too hot for such a thing.] Here I would more expect a response along the lines of: "Around dawn, if they are not delayed by the weather."

Typos:

...he was struck buy the ingenuity - "by"

...knowing that Mrs Redfern would be required to aid the doctor in a more delicate manner than in which it was proper for him to assist. - probably should remove "in which"

Quite the action-filled chapter, and just when I was thinking this was going to be a quiet, sedate courtship!

I am surprised that they wouldn't have gone back to collect the Collins' possessions (to avoid theft), but possibly you address that in the next chapter. Clearly the injuries would be of more importance.

Also, considering how nice you said the carriage was, I was expecting it to have 4 horses drawing it. You indicated one ran off and they ride one, so where are the other 2. I'm not sure that 2 could draw a very large carriage, but I am no expert so I can't argue that point.

Actually, I didn't know that about sopha and was off to check the spelling! You saved me the trouble - better to warn readers of possibly unfamiliar terms or you usually do end up having to explain/justify their use to a reviewer!

- Deandra

Typos:

...The rain had lessoned, but it was still enough to soak one - should be "lessened"

...Charlotte spotted a tree stump to which she lead the horse - should be "led"

...lifted her up onto the horses back, - should be "horse's back" (the apostrophe makes it possessive - the back belonging to the horse; without it, "horses" is plural)

...telling her to hold on tight to the horse's reigns. - should be "reins"

...that truly it had been for Williams benefit - should be "William's"

...half swaddled in his mothers cloak - "mother's"

...whilst the landlady baithed his forehead - "bathed"