Reviews for The Bourne Progeniture, Book 2: Kalipatnam

Reviews For: The Bourne Progeniture, Book 2: Kalipatnam

texamich 2008-07-08 ch 20,	abuseHey, folks... While I'm almost always glad when someone has a strong reaction to my story, I have to insist on civility on the review list. Tickleme, I despise name-calling, too, even when you do it! Let's try to keep it about the story. This should be a safe place for authors and reviewers both to write freely. So much the better if you keep it within the bounds of polite discourse. Thanks to all who are reading; double thanks if you have reviewed; if you haven't yet, please do (though I can't blame you for choosing not to review, with all the insults flying around)! --texamich
tickleme 2008-07-07 ch 20,	abuseAnother thoughtful chapter. You have a knack for taking the minor character off the screen and fleshing him/her out in a thought-provoking way. In this case, Martin Kreutz. I just read some of the other reviews of your story, and I have to take issue with what KelliNew says. I object to name-calling in any case, but in this case her appraisal of your character(s) is inaccurate. KelliNew is also a dolt on the facts: Nicky didn't know about the Berlin hit because, as she says in Supremacy, it wasn't in the file. But, she could very well know all his other jobs ("You know my file, Nicky!") In any case, it is always dangerous to assume that any character speaks for the author; the skilled writer is usually trying to show something about the CHARACTER with every line that is written. I think that is particularly true with this author and these stories. Your OC is better written and more plausible than many that are out there. I have no idea why KelliNew is picking on you and yours. Looking forward to the conclusion and any sequels.
bellerbee 2008-07-05 ch 20,	abuseI find the thoughts and actions you attribute to the characters very interesting, very plausible. This chapter is as psychologically incisive as the rest of the story, deepening our understanding of the inhabitants of David's world. I can just picture the flowers that Drächen chose for Marie (I'm wiping a tear!). I also have to remark upon the delicacy with which you illuminate the impact of a violent death on the loved ones of the victim: the waves wash out over the survivors; some are swamped, some stay upright--all are affected. Support is what makes the difference? The depth and maturity you show here are remarkable.
Sarah Rochester 2008-07-04 ch 20,	abuseYou already know what I'm going to say. I love it and as the reviewer said below me, I like the glimpse into Jason/David's life. This is a fantastic play on a character!
bellerbee 2008-07-02 ch 19,	abuseJust read your story, chapters 1-19, in one sitting. It is an excellent continuation of your prequel. I agree that for this one to be most enjoyable and make most sense, Mykonos to Goa should be read and digested first. I like how the presence of children is softening Jason/David’s sharp edges, and slowing his pace (and that of the story); this is very true to what happens in real life. I am really digging into the exploration of David’s emotional life, and your filling in his biography to shed light on how he came to be who he is. You say only two more chapters; surely that’s not enough to find out everything we want to know?
tickleme 2008-06-29 ch 19,	abuseWow, I just discovered your stories (read and loved Mykonos to Goa first, as you suggested), and am blown away! This book takes up up your original storyline and expands on it nicely. Jason and his child against the world… It takes a lot of creativity and guts to create an OC out of a very minor character from one of the movies. And to give her prominence in your story in a community that largely hopes and prays to see Jason and Nicky together. Your level of research and detail—and the flaws you give her—make Kim realistic and sympathetic. For example, her impulsiveness, flares of negative emotion (jealosy)… Overall, your details make the scenes jump off the page. It must be challenging to keep that consistent, and you don’t always succeed, but your effort is to be respected. The economy of language you often achieve is also very effective for this genre. Again, your result is uneven; I would say you can even go further in that area. Other things that made an impression on me: Your overall themes are interesting and revisited just enough to be present without being over-bearing. I detect choice and personal responsibility, also compassion versus violence; gratitude versus guilt. Nicely taken up from the movies and expanded upon. The way that you weave in themes, flavor, and cue some of your scenes from the Ludlum books is also very deft. Kim reflects some of the same traits as Ludlum’s Marie, for example, and it does seem necessary to find a stand-in if you are going to stick to the film canon that Marie is killed. Also nicely translated from the Ludlum canon: Medusa, the rescue of the brother, etc. Your research seems very in-depth. Your level of detail on the medical scenes, the military operations (setting Webb in actual US military actions is cool), and Marine Corps training and culture creates realism. How do you know about Marine Corps Community Services? You use religious symbolism and terminology to very subtle affect. Just enough to remark upon. Curious about how/why those elements came to work its way into your stories. I love your focus Bourne/Webb’s emotional life, and exploration of the humanizing affect of children on parents. Overall, a terrific and fascinating effort, and very polished. Can’t wait to read the ending.
Sarah Rochester 2008-06-19 ch 17,	abuseI love the attention to detail! I can picture the setting so vividly. And the throwback to the Ludlum novels - LOVE!
Sarah Rochester 2008-06-07 ch 1,	abuseI like the idea of Jason having a child with Marie during the course of the movies. It brings an interesting twist to the fandom. Bravo!
KelliNew 2008-05-26 ch 1,	abuseThis is a very well written story. But it's a Mary Sue story. Sorry, I don't care about your avatar "Kim". Please, write us a story that doesn't introduce a new love interest for Jason. Also, can't agree that this story sticks to the canon that's in the movies because Kim says that Nicky knew all about Jason and the training he went through. Strongly disagree! In "Bourne Supremacy" Nicky didn't know about Jason's first "real" job in Berlin. In "Bourne Ultimatum", Nicky tells Jason that it was Daniels that told her about the "training" Jason was subjected to (".. they had to break down the agents..."). Not meaning to diss your work, just would love a different Jason Bourne story from you. Am sure it'd be terrific! Kim
PropernameSurname 2008-05-09 ch 6,	abuseWow! That was fast! I love the back-story! It's great to see more of why Kim is Kim, and what the reasons behind her acceptance of Bourne/Webb were. The dynamics in her family were superb, and I'm interested to see if you go anywhere with this dangling relationship...:) Update soon, please! (You took that to heart, last time, it seems! :D)
La Flamingo 2008-05-08 ch 1,	abuseIt's really nice to see you get into a rhythym with writing your fanfic -- the first Book was by no means bad, but you could certainly see when there were some hiccups and some grasps for flow and prose. You have it down here, though -- there's a kind of grittiness that speaks well of the Bourne universe, short sentences and terse paragraphs -- that keep the audience in the flow of the voice and story itself. I'm very curious where this will go. Many people are afraid to delve into the world of BABY!fanfic, largely because it has the tendency to be a very precarious perch. You seem to be doing well, however, and I wish you the best of luck. Will probably drop in from time to time to just say more stuff, too. :)
PropernameSurname 2008-05-08 ch 5,	abuseHey, hey! Nothing says 'sweet dreams' like a sidearm, eh?...At any rate, this chapter was great! Very believable with the military lingo. I'm not extremely well versed when it comes to the military, so, representing the portion of readers that will have no idea what's going on, I applaud you. I'm excited to see where this will go next! Update soon!
PropernameSurname 2008-04-27 ch 3,	abuseHi again- My apologies if I'm getting monotonous...I can't help but notice I'm up here three times, and it's gettin' lonely...but, at any rate, I loved this chapter! It was a tad short, but that just leaves me in more anticipation of the NEXT chapter. I liked Kim's POV in this one; it was a nice window into Bourne's situation. Favorite sentence has to be: "She amended her previous assessment of her personal safety to 'He wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.' She backed away." I would most likely do the same thing, if I were in her shoes! :D Great job with characterization, too. I forgot to say that earlier. Jason as a father is still true to Jason as Bourne, in my opinion. Can't wait for more! -PropernameSurname
PropernameSurname 2008-04-25 ch 2,	abusesniff That was so sweet! I'm crying now! :') (tearful smile) Please tell me he gets to be her father for MORE than two hours! Forever would be nice...superb writing, on another note. I read every single word, which is something I'm rarely compelled to do. I'm very excited for Chapter 3! Thanks for this wonderful installment! ^-^
PropernameSurname 2008-04-23 ch 1,	abuseWow! I read your last story (the prequel to this one) before I had an account, so I couldn't review, but now that I can I'd like to say that I think the idea behind this is great. I've seen some "Jason/David has a kid" stories that are not believable or just not very well written, but yours are about as true to the character as one can get in the situation. You have a lovely way with words that I admire. You're descriptive enough to really set the scene and delve into Webb's thoughts, but you keep the story moving at the same time. I can't wait to see where this goes next! Keep it up!

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