FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
| FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Martia Longfod 2008-06-12 ch 1,  | abusethis is really good |
| sofiaX 2008-06-08 ch 5, | abuseheyy you're doing pretty well so far! good story line and good balence between action and info! can't wait to find out what's gonna happen! -sof |
| ffhoupt 2008-06-08 ch 5, | abusedont stop this is really good keep it up |
| IndigoCrayon 2008-05-12 ch 3, | abuseHi, me again! Nice to see you took my advice. Glad i was helpful. This chapter is pretty good, very good actually, but lacking in detail. OK, De Lucy has a gang called the Lionmane (Nice name by the way), has crossed paths with CHERUB before and is very very evil. Great, BUT apart from that you haven't told us anything else. Does Giovanni know about his clashes with CHERUB? How is he involved with KMG and the sex slavery? (Financier? Supplier of coke or girls? etc) What are the Lionmane's main dealings in, with whom and where? How does a gang with only fifty members manage to cover huge global operations involving the prepping and shipping drugs from the Carribbean, prostitutes from Russia and the Soviet areas or dogy bank dealings in Miami? Now you've got a whole story's worth of time to reveal this to me, so no rush. but don't forget to. i want to know! I will be watching this, it's good. from The ever-present GreyEyed |
| IndigoCrayon 2008-05-08 ch 1, | abuseOK, Jack. Your writing is good and your plot is clever but you seem to have made a formatting error with the chpters, you've posted the same one twice. i won't bother you about that problem because i expect you've already figured it out but i have few other bits of advice for you. First, change your pen name. putting your name on the internet is a teensy bit dangerous with so many paedos and perverts and that hanging around. is about as safe as it gets but you can't be too careful, right? Email if you need any help with that. There're a couple of minor spelling and grammar mistakes but that's not too important. just stuff that spellcheck missed. Also, you're not getting to the plot very quickly. what you've written so far is brilliant but i'm not getting a whiff of James' next mission yet. it's not often you get something as good as this on the CHERUB fandom and i want to see a bit of action! Keep the updates coming! |
| bam123 2008-04-29 ch 2, | abuseI Love It! Cant Wait To You write More! |
| -blue-bubbles-love-me- 2008-04-24 ch 1, | abuseoh my goddy god! keep on writing! yea thats all...! |