Ok, first off good work. I think you have the characters mostly nailed down. My one bone to pick on this piece would be how you use inflections where no character is talking. "stars made her mighty stir-crazy" This is an example. You were just explaining how River danced across the cockpit, but as the narrator of this you should only use grammatically correct phrases. Now if you were telling the story through someone, perhaps Jayne in the entryway, then using such phrasing would work. Although you'd have to explain why Jayne would write a passage...ever. ;) All over good work, and I didn't mean to talk this long about that one detail. xD