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| copperheadfightingninja 2008-09-20 ch 1,  | abuseI REALLY love this. Please write more. |
| Mortimerscross 2008-08-01 ch 1, | abuseVery sweet... very nice... and quite lovely. |
| Shari Joy Rose 2008-04-30 ch 1, | abuseSome constructive criticism: Use more commas! Heh.. I get confused reading some of the things you write 'cause they're run-on sentences and things start getting jumbled. And perhaps use 'blah' instead of "blah" for thoughts so we know they're not speaking out loud. Also, Ichigo knew about Orihime's brother because she took him to Ichigo's clinic when he died. It was pretty OOC, Ichigo was too forward. I love the couple though, I'm a big IchiHime shipper, and it's hard to keep Ichigo in character when dealing with romantic stuff, so I understand. Keep writing though, 'practice makes perfect' heh.. |
| dark insanity 13 2008-04-30 ch 1, | abusehm, there are a couple errors in information. for example, Ichigo knew Orihime's brother was dead before the start of the series, and since Rukia is there, he undoubtably knows because he fought Sora's hollow. it also seems odd that Orihime is aware of his mother's death, but he personally encountered the result of her brother's death and didn't remember. also, Ichigo's mother died when he was nine, not six. Karin and Yuzu remember their mother, and there's 5 years between them and Ichigo, so if he was six, they would have been one; not old enough to remember her very well. overall, it's not a bad story, but i find some of the pacing unbelievable. i can understand them becoming closer friends upon realizing they have both lost someone precious to them, but having Ichigo develop romantic feelings for Orihime because of that is stretching it. personally, it would only add to reasons he has already come across. i'm an IchiHime fan, and while i do like stories about them getting together, i just find your plotline believable. good luck in the future, however, and don't take this as a flame. it's good to get criticism every now and then. |