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Reviews For: Maximum Ride:The Forgotten Sister

la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
2008-05-14
ch 1, anon.
abusei love it! you know i do. you should really carry on wirting!
hope you write some more great stories soon. :)
imaGi.NatiOn.X.x
2008-05-09
ch 6,
abuseWhat the heck have you been smoking? Cuz whatever it is it must be good...you righting like this...okay fess up! what is it and where do you get it from! seriously! it's not nice to hog it all for yourself! you know what if you share the special wonder drug dat makes u rite awsum i will give u sum of my specail ...**F*aiR**Y*d*Ust*! whaddaya say?
Cheeto-ScorpioDimagram
2008-05-07
ch 6,
abuseAWESOME!
Darth Atkid
2008-05-07
ch 1,
abuseThis idea is cliche, sorry. BUT I do think that you definitely have potential as a writer. If you'd like, I could Beta for you (meaning I would help you edit, and bounce ideas around with you). It would help you, and I'd really like to help.

Personal message me or reply to this review if you're interested. Thanks.

~Darth Atkid
Mossmoon
2008-05-07
ch 1,
abuseI only read 5 sentazes and this is FREAKING AWESOME!
Cheeto-ScorpioDimagram
2008-05-04
ch 5,
abuseOMG THATS AWESOME!!...well, sad, but still, is awesome!
ChocolateMilk2
2008-05-04
ch 4,
abuseWhen I read the title of this, then your pen-name, then the summary, then the story and then the reviews... I winced. Sorry, but it's true. Just listen what I have to say. I'm not flaming you, instead giving constructive criticism. I'll slow down. You're obviously new... I'm only trying to help.

Unfortunately, this idea's been used so many countless times it's cliche, even though you may think you thought of it or of the like. Some other 'seventh' member of the flock, comes in and joins the adventure. And most often this character is female, with special powers, a cool and unusual name, a 'dark' past, and about as beautiful a butterfly.

You've caught the Mary Sue bug, I'm afraid. Metaphorically.

Don't worry, there's a cure. Try to depth in your character a bit more. Give her flaws- like, lies a lot, but badly, or has some brain disorder that makes her crazy. Tone down the angst a bit. There are tests and forums that can help you with this too, and forums, and tests. In fact, if you type 'Mary Sue' in the story 'Search' thing, you come up with about a billion stories that

Although Mary Sues may be fun to make, they never really help much in gaining experience as a writer. You can keep Selina, and continue on with other clones of her though, if you want. Countless others have. It's your choice, but I can honestly say the more favoured, and honestly reviewed stories are written with non- Sues, and moreso in general, Canon characters.

Okay, through that.

Now your spelling, and grammar. You often lack capital letters, page breaks, full stops. This is what spell check is made for, so please use it. Otherwise you can get a Beta, like a editor and reviewer sort of person, who also can help with these things.

If you've bothered reading this so far, I applaud you. But most likely you've gotten bored or aren't on the sight anymore. If not...
imaGi.NatiOn.X.x
2008-05-04
ch 4,
abuseGah! NEugh! Aha! Arghh! I'm in pain. Need more...he he he...need more. *sitting in dark corner of room rocking and sucking thumb muttering to self* More! For the sake of my sanity! Please have mercy and post more!

AH! More painful sounds if i wasn't clear enough
Cheeto-ScorpioDimagram
2008-05-03
ch 3,
abuseThats so awesome!1 :D and thats so cool how you made up the vampires! Me and my best freind 'Jazminepetals' made up a type of vampire too. we both have stories with them, you should check em out.
Love the chap! Caint wiat to read more!!
Heartbrake Angel
2008-05-03
ch 2,
abuseawsome i love it post A.S.A.P.
Cheeto-ScorpioDimagram
2008-05-03
ch 2,
abuseI have a realy impoortant question...what kind of vampire is she? did you get them from a show? if not, you are awesomely creative! well, your creative anywhay, but still. caint wait to read more!
imaGi.NatiOn.X.x
2008-05-02
ch 1,
abuseOMG! This really does sound promising. No scratch that it sound flippin' INSANE! teehee i usedd big letters...back to my raving like a lune...and i'm wondering is this girl (don't remeber how to spell name) happen to be related to Fang?
Cheeto-ScorpioDimagram
2008-05-02
ch 1,
abuseOMG!! AWESOME!! I cant wait to read more!
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