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Reviews For: The First Kiss - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

JellybeanChiChi
2008-06-22
ch 1,
abuseI thought it was nice. A nice way to envision the first kiss. And a nice way for Sara to tell the story.
Thanks for sharing. - Jean (JellybeanChiChi)
ProWriter11
2008-06-14
ch 1,
abuseJust checking out your profile page. Stumbled on this. Very cute. Very sweet. Thanks.
BeckyCSI
2008-06-07
ch 1,
abuseHey, i thought it was good :)

Seriously I loved it :P I always enjoy first kiss fics (when they're well written) because i like the whole 'your own take' thing.

:D Maybe yu should write sober lol

FO SHO!

Becky x
seeyoustandingthere
2008-05-11
ch 1,
abuseYou do make me laugh. I mean, I love american women at the best of times, but the little lines Sara thinks, like, 'well **. that has to be the most considerate thing...'etc - I can just hear it in american drawl (I'm English and sad about it - I lived in the US for a short time - too short, miss it). So what have we learned? 1. You're funny. 2. If that was your drunk writing, you're good, because we all know what happens to our grammar/typing skills/general life skills when we're drinking. I like the flow, I like the length. I like the fact that it isn't overcrowded with dialogue and you don't make them say every last word they might possibly think - there's something there for us to work out, and I personally love the subtext.

If you want some 'concrit' as you call it (great word) I guess you could offer us less narration, scene setting stuff (the usher took us straight to our seats etc). Unless something definitive happens on the walk to the seats, we can do without that line. But I didn't notice that as a problem of your piece, exactly, just something you could work on if you wanted to.

I'd really like to see you write a Sara-being-sassy-having-argument-with-someone-maybe-Catherine-or-the-eventual-frustration-of-Grissom's-inability-to-act-argument-that-becomes-a-hot-first-kiss-type-of-thing ... while drunk. I think you do sassy Sara very well.

Phew - long review - sorry! England is boring as hell tonight, so it's fanfic city.

seeyoustandingthere x
ismaco
2008-05-06
ch 1,
abuseI liked it a lot... and I can truly picture Grissom saying “Sara- if we can do that more, I’ll never eat meat again. Ever.”

Thanks for sharing! =)
22114
2008-05-06
ch 1,
abuseOkay, here goes. I'll try to be constructive, but I gotta say, it ain't easy!! :) I loved it, I've always been a sucker for different, and this was definetly different. And funny. I like the hot dog guy, I like the conversation, I like the setting... In fact the only thing that's wrong about this story is the fact that you can type like that drunk. That's just wrong... I'm pretty sober right now and still can't type two sentences without making 4 mistakes. I'm impressed. Oh, and I'm glad you and your husband sorted things out! Drunken fighting is normally an enormously bad idea.At least that's my experience... that however does not prevent me from trying it out every now and then just to prove my theory is still good... and it is... Okay, rambling over... have a great day! 22114/Veronika
MSCSIFANGSR
2008-05-05
ch 1,
abusewell, i guess you should have written a treatise on baseball, but given the story was about kissing, then i'll let you off the hook. and i enjoy your drunk writing, it is refreshing...:) chauncey
SARA SIDLE GRISSOM 08
2008-05-05
ch 1,
abuseThis is GREAT
The Queen of Sin
2008-05-05
ch 1,
abuse*blinkblink* it needs improving?!?! i like the way you didn't do the whole "I love you Sara... I always have" thingy... becaus rthats annoying... It's pretty IC too.. and I can't think of anything to improve.. sorry :S
Dreamsand
2008-05-05
ch 1,
abuseI thought it was wonderfull that you didn't let it get all that fluffy and stuff. You got the kiss just right but didn't go on about it. That was really good.
I liked the accent of Frank too. I'm from Holland so that kind of English is always really funny to me.
I don't really have any bad comments to be honest. Hope you don't mind :P
CSIgsrFANOH
2008-05-05
ch 1,
abuseI really liked this. I love that he took her to a game, and she started the kiss. It is cute and romantic without being over the top!
Billy'sGSRGirls
2008-05-05
ch 1,
abuseI loved that she made the first move. This was very good for a "drunk fic". I really don't think anything is missing. And I loved the last line.
sprat
2008-05-05
ch 1,
abuseThat was great More to follow I hope
Keegan Elizabeth
2008-05-05
ch 1,
abuseOH HOLY HELL!

Okay...first let's break out OneRepublic's "Too Late to Apologize" song so that I can say I'm so sorry for not being on IM! And I just so got your "drunken messages" and can I say that you can handle your liquor very well...b/c you type so well when drunk! anyway, again I'm so sorry I wasn't there to listen to you vent :( Please dont revoke my GSRBFF status!!

As for the story, OH HOLY HELL (I just like that saying that apparently). Oh...okay sorry backtracking for a moment...I'm glad you and Kevin made up! Ok, back to the story: LOVED IT! Seriously, I think I'm a bit peeved that you wrote this drunk... I mean seriously...a bit peeved! It was awesomely amazing! The story line...it was just yeah I loved it. For the constructive criticisms, there were a few typos/verb tenses that were wrong and I blame it on you being a bit drunk and not catching it yourself. But all in all...so creative. Loved it...so much... just really really adorable. And I loved that Sara kissed him first :) IDK. I so wished I could give you something more...but I'm just still in awe of your drunken story!
My Kate
2008-05-04
ch 1,
abusewhat a fun piece...love hearing what is going on in her mind during casual acts...loving that their first kiss was "private" as the standing throngs of people focused on the blare of the anthem over the loud speakers...loved that he didn't pull away...loved that you just knew what he was thinking by watching his actions - and reactions...I wouldn't change a thing...(and glad you two made up...no wonder you understand GSR so well!)...nice job...
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