Utter. Tear-jerking. Awesome. I love it =). I cried. So, you better damn well be zealous, at crushing my pride. But, in all seriousness, awesome job. I really like this, it being a song-fic only helps =)

nice, this is pretty good

So sad... and so well-written.

nice story it was really great!

wow! i can't beleive you think it sucks bcoz i think it's really brilliant, beautifully written, full of emotion and just amazing! lol. i really loved it!

That's so sad. D:
I'm not sure that you needed the song, but it was great.
I love Holly father fics.
It's very interesting that she still went down the LEP path.

"But she knew something else too; she knew that deep down you were the person who she wanted you to be and maybe, one day, if she was good enough and tried hard enough that that amazing, wonderful, and ideal father would appear."

I love that passage. :D

Wow, that was soo good.
That was the BEST songfic I ever read!

Oh...it's sad. *wipes away tear* But it's well written. Wonderful job...

i'm gonna go out on a limb and say Holly and someone had a kid and someone never was there. a little help, i like it, but am so confused.

bEATIFLY WRITTEN! It was good. Love the song!

Hey, Iloved that. It was so full of emotion...really. One of the best songfics Ive ever read...oh by the way, you really need to update your other story...sorry I havent reveiwsed it tho... I COMPLETLY LOVED THIS!

I'm not usually one to read song fics. I don't really care much for them.

But i found that i enjoyed yours. That was really good. =D

This is very good, unexpected from such a young and inexperienced author (no offense). It's very powerful and the ideas are connected but not exactly like the song-- a common mistake that songfics make. And you have a good amount of text, a linear progression, in between the verses.

However, it is quite choppy and doesn't exactly flow. Using more paragraphs (you can have two or more paragraphs per verse, you know) and breaking some of the stronger points up for emphasis might help. And you could work on the overall fluency of your writing.

But the substance was good and that's what's important.

Excellent job.

Lily

P.S. I just saw looked up the song on youtube and I LOVE it! And have you noticed how much Emmy Rosum looks like Holly? She's almost exactly like I imagine her. Incredible.