I think you're better at poetry than you think. I really liked the first stanza of the poem.

This is a really good story. I love the way you describe everything.

I feel like I've already read this recently - did you post it somewhere else, or did I just forget to leave a review? Either way, I liked this very much. I'm not much of a poetry reader, and when I am, I generally prefer free verse, but the rhyming here was very nice, and you told the story well. Good job.