I really like where the story is going. =) You have a really good plot line, but i'd like to point something out that would make the stroy easier to read.

When you have someone talking, you only open it with a quotation mark. Ex: "Hey! It's me Machika said Machika.

it would be a little bit easier to read if you put something like: "Hey!It's me Machika," said Machika.

Hope you don't mind that advice. All in all, great start, i look forward to reading more of it. =)